87. DESI GIRL IS PROBABLY DATING REINDEER

As if waiting and hoping on Reindeer is not stressful enough, I am, again, on the phone with my cousin who is requesting desi dating details and then doling advice like a Pez dispenser on speed. “You have to play the game” “These are the rules” “Trust me I know what men want” “I found three men for you to date.” Why, oh why, did I give up drinking? These conversations would be MUCH easier to bear if my blood alcohol was 0.04.

Half an hour later I receive a text from Reindeer. “Just landed in Ohio. Small plane and a flight attendant named Delilah. Will call when I have the rental car.” Hhhmm. Perhaps I did not do damage with my “are we dating” demand.

When the phone rings I pick up immediately. “So I am finally in the Midwest,” Reindeer says. “Uhm, Ohio is more like the industrial Midwest,” I correct. He laughs in that laugh I love. “You take being from the Midwest very seriously if you are excluding Ohio.” “I am being geographically correct.” Desi girl confession: While really, I do love everything about Karen Walker, at the core I am a hall monitor disguised as a party girl. “We actually landed in Kentucky,” Reindeer says. “So I decided to try Kentucky Fried Chicken for the first time.”

Whaaaaat? How has he lived in America for 20 years and never dined with the Colonel? “Have you eaten at Chipotle?” I ask. “Nope,” he replies. “Really? I will take you,” I say. “Sounds good,” he says. “It can’t be next weekend. I have girlfriends coming from Minnesota. We’re going to Ono, want to join us?” I ask. “Oh-no!” he exclaims. Geez! The way he responds so quickly and emphatically you’d think I offered to set him on fire, not invite him to dinner.

This is SO clearly NOT a good sign.