99. DESI GIRL COOKS DINNER … AGAIN

You know how some girls (and guys) are like “I have to get laid...NOW!”? Well, as an uptight, prude I am not like that. However, I have been dating Reindeer for MONTHS and it’s like we’re living in No Action City, population Reindeer and Desi Girl.

So I have concocted a SURE-FIRE plan to resolve this most pressing matter. I invited Reindeer to my apartment for dinner and a movie. The UNIVERSAL sign for, “let’s hit it.” Or with us, I am praying for, “let’s smooch.”

Reindeer arrives and we sit down to another almost gourmet Indian meal, meatballs, raita (yogurt with spices and finely cut onions, cucumbers and tomatoes) and rice. “This is amazing,” Reindeer says. He is here under the pretense to taste test "my new meatball recipe." But I lied. I am too much of a control freak to chance a dinner date. I make this dinner for myself all the time, I know it's yumms.

“Sooooo,” I say to Reindeer, a little flirty lilt in my voice. “What would you say if someone else asked me out on a date?” He finishes chewing, looks me square in the eye and says, “No, f*cking way.” WOW! His reaction surprises and pleases me. I smirk, shift my shoulders and say, “Just checking.”

Now I know, believe I know. Men do not want to feel trapped into getting married. And I am not the entrapment type. But we’re Indians, who met on a desi matrimonial site with the intent to find spouses. So I am kinda thinking that he has some interest in marrying someone, some day. Which then has me wondering how long we plan on dating like we’re in a Jane Austen novel. And since I am warring with my cousin over him, I HOPE this works out with Reindeer. Otherwise I am going to have a broken heart and one less relative.

I clear the plates and pop the movie into the DVD player. “What are we watching?” Reindeer asks and makes himself comfortable on the couch. “Star Wars!” I reply with a HUGE grin. “I have never seen that,” Reindeer says. This is why I chose it. “Haven’t you seen this several times? You aren’t going to talk along with the movie are you?” Reindeer asks. “Of course not,” I reply, switch off the lights and cozy up next to him. I am hoping no one is talking or watching.

Well, for two hours we ACTUALLY WATCH the movie. What is more unbelievable than that, is, at the end of the night he kisses my fingertip...FINGERTIP! And then, he leaves.

WTF. Do I have body odor? Dandruff? Boogers? What is going on here?