14. ALONE IN THE CITY

After two weeks, my mother returns to Minnesota. By chance, Jack and Jane are on the SAME flight to Minneapolis, en route to South Dakota. How destined.

The four of us pile into a town car and head to LaGuardia. Somehow I am strong enough to say good bye to my mother without wilting into a weeping puddle. I watch the three of them clear security and something inside of me cracks. Through my haze of tears, I watch the image of my mother get smaller and smaller until she blends into the throng of passengers and disappears from sight.

Air. I need air and rush outside the terminal. Slowly I release breath from my lungs, trying to calm myself. I call Dad letting him know Mom is on the way back. If he hears the breaks in my voice, he never lets on. I board the M60 bus. In Harlem along 125th Street I realize I am not ready to face an empty apartment so I take to roaming the streets and getting lost. Hoping the city I coveted for so long, would romance the sadness out of me.

I get home and think I should write my online desi dating profile. After all, one of the main reasons to uproot my life was to meet an Indian man. But I cannot get witty today. So I crawl into bed. Sleep eludes me. Every noise is startling. Since I have the ability to freak myself out, I wonder, if I fall asleep, will I wake to the sound of crashing glass and dark figures lurking in my apartment? Oh dear, I watch WAY too much Law and Order ...