Monday, February 1, 2010


My friend Meera (from Post 21), her husband, Rohit, and I are sitting in a wine bar. I am summarizing my dating highlights, or perhaps lowlights is more accurate. Rohit nods thoughtfully and says, “I think you’re funny and upbeat. I don’t get these guys.” “Thanks,” I reply. “Hhhmm, listening to you just now, it struck me --- you might the problem,” Meera says. Rohit’s head jerks and he stares at her with incredulous eyes.

Her comment intrigues me. I realize I’m not perfect. I work at being strong in my broken places. And if there are ways for me to better myself I am open to suggestions. I also know Meera would never intentionally hurt me; I trust her unconditionally and so I say, “tell me more.”

“I agree with Rohit, you’re great. But we’re you’re friends, we already love you,” Meera says, her hands gesticulate, emphasizing her point. “And this is New York with tons of single women, and not enough men. They are the ones who get to pick and choose. So you have to treat dating like a job, with a strategy and goal: how to make them fall in love with you. Then YOU decide if YOU want them.”


Meera continues, “I read this book called How to Make Anyone Fall in Love With You, and you should, too.”

Rohit laughs and quips, “And I read a book called She’s Read ‘How to Make Anyone Fall in Love With You’ So Employ These Tactics to Woo Her While She Thinks She Wooing You.”

“This book could help her,” Meera argues genuinely. Rohit shakes his head. She glares at her husband. “I think she’s intimidating. She talks too fast. Her mind is equally fast paced. She’s always over-dressed, has opinions and dark manicures. It’s too much for a guy,” Meera says to him and points at my nails painted in Chanel’s Vamp.

Irritation washes across Rohit’s face and seeps down into his body. “So she should say nothing and wear sweatpants?” Rohit challenges. “I think she should be herself.”

I think they should keep talking about me like I am not sitting here.

“I didn’t say otherwise,” Meera snaps. “It has been proven that whoever talks more on a date thinks they had a better experience. And the person not doing the talking won’t have a good experience because they didn’t learn anything. My point is she should talk less, wear lighter nail polish and be soft.”

Because Rohit and I cannot argue with statistics we simply sip our drinks.

“I also think you should maximize dating opportunities,” Meera says to me.
“What do you suggest?” I ask.


Anonymous said...

I agree with Rohit here honey. PLZ don't change yourself! For granted, all of who you are isn't wrapped up in first appearances.. but that instinctual connection is what gets you that second date.. NOT the color of your nails or footwear.. I am SUCH a believer of just being yourself...

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Hello Anonymous ... thank you for your comment, I, too agree with Rohit. I have always tried to be who I am, but I made major missteps when I lost sight of myself. It some time to circle back to center, but I think I am even better than before. I hope you keep reading to see the rise, fall and re-rise of a desi woman on a mission! Speak soon.

ODDB said...

I think both of them make good have to be yourself, but you can't intimidate men. They are weak and need to at least feel like they have some control...once you get them, then all bets are off...I am sure Rohit would agree with that...

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Dear ODDB ... thank you for your comment and thank you for reading. I appreciate your use of ODDB, as I am sure you are not an ODDB based on your comment. In my convos with Meera and Rohit (RoMe as I like to call them) I agree with their pts and appreciate having friends who frankly care that much! I don't know that men are weak so much, but I do agree with finding the balance. Speak soon.

Samosas for One said...

Did you read that book that Meera suggested?

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Dear Samosas for One ... Yes, oh yes, I read it :) and made notes :)

Anonymous said...

Wait a minute, its not that if you are not doing the talking you don't learn anything. It's that most people want to talk about what interests them the most....themselves! So if the other person is doing all the talking, that can get a little boring. So, I think what Meera was trying to say is that you should try to make sure that the talk is balanced, so the fool you're with thinks he's just as interesting as you!!! Get it? I've clearly read the book too. I'm down with it. Still using the tactics?

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Dear Anonymous ....

LOL, love that you have read the book and I am much better at following the rules when I keep the drinking at bay. I already have a high octane personality that is amp-ep up with adult bevvies.

And you would like after all my sorority rush days I would remember that people love love love to talk about themselves, clearly I am no exception :) and I totally was on the floor laughing at your "fool" comment ... I think you and I shd become friends!

And trust me, I agree with Meera. I know she has my back, always and forever!

Desi Girl