Tuesday, February 9, 2010

33. DILLWEED

There are only two reasons I would be late for a date, MTA delays or a shoe sale. With my Macy’s bag in hand I dash into the Port Authority. My date is visiting relatives in New Jersey and wanted to avoid Manhattan bound gridlock by riding the bus. Fine with me.

We’ve spoken so I know he’s a fitness fiend who watches a lot of TV and doesn’t drink. His family is from the Indian state of Gujarat. While my Punjabi peeps are gregarious whiskey drinkers, Gujaratis are known to be … how to put this … cheap.

Since I have seen his photos, I easily find Dillweed. “What sounds good for dinner?” I ask. “Burgers, American and Indian. Can’t stand sushi, Thai or anything Asian,” Dillweed replies. “But I just slammed a power shake so I’m not hungry.”

Okay then.

Since I have no idea what to do with this fellow, I suggest we walk along 8th Avenue. This is where Dillweed sees the world’s largest Chevy’s sign against the glow of Times Square. I don’t protest. My love for Mexican is unnatural. Blizzards don’t impede my south of the Taco Bell border runs.

We sit down and I order a margarita. I almost fall over at Dillweed’s root beer request. Who over the age of eight actually orders one in public? I nosh on chips and Dillweed talks about his basement with a pool table, gym and bar (strange for a man who doesn’t drink). "Do you want to see a picture of my TV?” he asks. “No thanks,” I reply. Too late. He is scrolling through his PDA photos as if I don’t know what a TV is. Indians are infatuated with life-sized televisions. My mother has one too.

“Oh here is my house,” he says. His McMansion with faux columns, brick veneer and aluminum siding offends my inner architect. “Are those attic windows or do you have a fourth floor?” I ask. He looks confused and then says, “I think it’s the attic.” He doesn’t KNOW? Clearly he bought the monstrosity to keep-up-with-the-Patels. They got a big house; let’s get a bigger one. They got a Lexus, let’s get two. They got a boat. But we don’t swim. Let’s get it anyway!

Our waiter returns with appetizers, Dillweed’s tortilla soup and my flautas. After four bites he pushes the bowl aside. “Is there something wrong?” I ask. He nods and says, “It’s too spicy.” Are you freaking kidding me? We’re in a Mexican CHAIN restaurant! He’s INDIAN! Did his mother EVER introduce him to a chili pepper? Or was she saving money by under-spicing his food?

When the bill comes he confuses me with a bank and asks if I can break a $20. I politely say no and suggest he ask the server. He puts down some cash and sliiiiiiiides the black plastic money holder across the table. I open it and the reason he is single becomes GLARINGLY apparent. He has a $3000 TV in a four-floor house yet leaves $10 on a $27 bill. Gujarati or otherwise I have never met anyone so stingy. WOW!!!

13 comments:

raji said...

Oh my god.........did you pay the rest $17? Gujus are Gujus when it comes to money.They can lick a fly out of their tea and then drink the rest of the tea.

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Yes I did and I made sure it included a 20% tip.

Ladoo said...

Kanjoos Makhi Choos!

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Yes, Kanjoos (cheap) ... I don't get it. I can be thrifty, but this was ridiculous! He couldnt' dish out $3.50 and do halfsies? I have some REALLY generous friends that I woud be MORTIFIED to intro him to!

sister-in-law said...

You are Generous so are your friends.God rewards generous giving. Generous people-Happier people. They have seldom emotional and mental problems-according to research.You won't believe it but it is the truth.

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Dear Sister-in-Law, Thank you for your kind words. I believe in karma, what you put out there comes back for you. So I try to be more good than bad :)

starlight said...

OK, Hon! You need to filter before you go on these dates. He's a "fitness fiend who watches a lot of TV." Warning #1 Then you say that Gujarats are "cheap." And you went on this date. Why? For kicks? For laughs..

Cheap??? The man doesn't have a crack in his butt!!!! He shows you his McMansion and his $3000 TV and doesn't pick up a $27 bill???

Which man doesn't pay for a date??? OMG!!! I want to shake him 'till his balls drop off. OK. I must calm down -:)

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Dear Starlight ... well I work out 5 times a week yet a 12 hour Law and Order marathon does me in, so who am I do judge? Here is the think about the Gujaratis and their typing as "cheap". I took a memoir writing class and one of my classmates had issues with the stereotype, too. But my general point is that all the states have these broad strokes written about them. For instance Punjabis like their Johnny Walker, but my father and some of my uncles don't. One of my hopes is that I can show that India has 1 billion people living in 20+ states that all have their own unique identity. I think the West views India as the Taj Mahal, Kama Sutra and the holy cow. I hope to show how complex India is ... clearly I need to work on that :) But I went on this date, knowing that exceptions happen. But yes, that $3.50 was crazy ....

Shalini said...

Wow...I'm so depressed that a fellow Guju would do something like that (though I admit, I'm not surprised, we're a group that can rival the Jewish community when it comes to being cheap). I'm Guju and I would never do anything like that...
It's people like that who give the rest of us a bad stereotype...

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Shalini ... I understand! My unspoken preference in a mate was always a nice Punjabi guy ... but so far from reading the blog all of my most hideous encounters have been Punjabi! It happens. We can only live with just and moral purposes and know our karma is in good standing.

Samosas for One said...

Oh this is nothing! You should hear the story I have.

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Dear Samosas for One ... okay. let's start our list of discussion topics for when we go out ... starting with (1) worse than dillweed (2) Jason Morgan, just so we can sigh at the memory of eye candy and move on ... :)

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

p.s. Samosas for One ... then the aunties wonder why we aren't married ... I mean they raised trolls and now we have to marry them? I dont think so!!!!!!!!!