47. KIT KAT IS CHOCOLATE. TIC TAC … NOT SO MUCH

As I get ready for Mom’s visit, I’m remembering our mother-daughter Indo-American moments (of which there are many). And when I learn how to add sound to this blog (because I have perfected imitating Mom’s strong desi accent) I’ll “reenact” the exchange below.

A few years ago, whenever Dad was traveling for business Mom and I had a telly and Taco Bell routine. After consuming chicken tacos and nachos we’d watch West Wing and Law and Order. This particular Wednesday was no different. Except just before our shows started I began jonesing for chocolate so desperately I would have turned down Jimmy Choos for a Milky Way…I know, right!

“Mom, any chance you have chocolate?” I asked. My parents were not fond of chocolates and didn’t always keep it in the house. They preferred fruit . Or sickeningly sweet saffroned Indian desserts like jalebis and srikhand. Or besan ladoos which have the texture of sand.

Mom replied, “I have Tic Tac.” “That’s nice. But I want chocolate,” I said. “I have Tic Tac,” she repeated. My insatiable need for fermented cocoa beans was dire. I was considering pulling on winter gear and driving to the gas station and she was going on about ‘Tic Tac’? Didn’t she know the difference between chocolate and a 1-½ calorie breath mint? Annoyed, I went upstairs to the kitchen for a Diet Coke.

I yanked open the fridge and rummaged around. In the vegetable drawer (of all places?!) I found a bag of mini Kit Kats! I tore open several packets, stuffed sticks of chocolate wafers into my mouth and experienced what can only be described as, joy.

Mom, unlike me, has enviable metabolism. When Mom married Dad she weighed 84 pounds. Forty years of marriage to an overweight man and two kids later she heiffed out at 92 pounds. Also unlike me, she has excellent food control. Daily Mom eats three proper meals, has two tea breaks and never exercises. Because I inherited the fat gene from Dad and regularly complained about my weight, I couldn’t confess to eating ALL this chocolate but grabbed one more Kit Kat.

Downstairs on the couch I made a HUUUUUUUUUUGE production of unwrapping my candy. Mom eyed me suspiciously. “What?” I asked, worried her mom-dar detected this was my third one. “I told you. I have Tic Tac,” she said. I raised my eyebrows, “Seriously? Mother, this is a Kit Kat not a Tic Tac.” I then loudly repeated, “KIT KAT.” Thinking volume would press my point home. She ROLLED her eyes and said, “Tic Tac, Kit Kat, whatever. I told you I have chocolate.”

While I might be a lot of things, I was not stupid enough to say, “Ah, no, dyslexic, that is NOT what you said.” Besides, what did it matter at this point? I had my chocolate, Martin Sheen aka Jed Bartlet’s face is two feet wide by three feet long on this GIGANTIC television and life couldn’t be better.

Jalebi(s)

 

Srikhand

Besan Ladoo(s)