On the Fourth of July I sit on the couch and chat with desi Banker finalizing our outing. When I look across the alleyway, a naked woman with ginormous breasts that flap against her three rolls of stomach leans out the window and beats her rug against the building. Wow, if that is not against the law, it should be.
When I get to the East Side Starbucks desi Banker is drinking HOT coffee on an even HOTTER day. He wears khaki pants, a grey tee-shirt and a pink, yes pink, polo shirt. Sure, Indian men have the coloring for pink and lilac. And the Banker does have a very well polished, metrosexual look about him, but pink?
We pop into Central Park and make the mistake of walking down Fifth Avenue. We then spend 10 minutes trying to move three blocks but we get stuck between tourists who insist on walking four people wide down the sidewalk (by the New Yorkers hate this). No wait, New Yorkers hate it when you suddenly stop in front of Tiffany’s and Bergdorf’s. At 53rd Street we make a worse choice by cutting west to Broadway and into the middle of Times Square, where we are manhandled by throngs of clueless Europeans.
“I ran on the treadmill for two hours. I am so fat. I really need to lose seven pounds,” he declares and pats his stomach. I am wondering if he saw the naked woman this morning too, because his brain is fried if he thinks he is fat. Or maybe he has issues. If so, this makes me like him more. I don’t like men who are too perfect.
We find our way to the Upper West and side and settle on a quaint café for cake and coffee. The air has gotten heavy and I worry that it will rain by the time the fireworks start. Two gay men walk by and desi Banker says, “people think I am gay.” Since I don’t know what the correct reply is, I just keep eating cake. I have actually wondered once or twice if he is gay. I mean, one billion desis --- someone has to be gay!
From the café we return to the East Side and have dinner at Mee Noodle Shop. If you haven’t been there, go! If you come to New York, go! Hell, I’ll take you! Not only is the food SOOO good, it is cheap. Their tag line is, “Eat your body weight for $10”. And they aren’t kidding. Sidebar: for someone who thinks he is fat, desi Banker sure is eating lots of fattening calories!!!
Finally, dusk settles and we fight our way back to the FDR. When it starts raining, I think of Reindeer. While I like desi Banker, I don’t feel that spark that makes me feel flirtatious and giddy at the same time.
Hhhmm. So the rain is not the most unfortunate part of the evening. The clouds are so close to the ground that when the Macy’s fireworks go off they can’t penetrate the clouds and leave a messy smoke in the air that I swear will give me cancer.
After 45 minutes of ooh-ing and ahh-ing, we shake hands and go our separate ways. Since I got no reading off of desi Banker, I have no idea if I will ever see him again.