Friday, April 30, 2010


Despite what you see on television, real New Yorkers do normal things, like laundry which I am doing when the Crazy Lady interrupts me. Recap: Crazy Lady has six pets and tried to sue Albany. I don’t know her name, but I am almost certain she is nuts.

“I am being evicted!” she screams. “I have lived here for 30 years and the whole time he has tried to kick me out!” I don’t say anything and she rants until my clothes are in the dryers. In a moment of empathy I say, “You have rights as a tenant.” I would think she knows this because she has lived in this building since I was 4 years old. “I have a friend who's a judge who says landlords can do what they want.”

“You must be just be rich,” she says. Really? They why aren’t I living on the Upper East Side or in Chelsea? So I correct her and tell her I’m getting by like anyone else. This sends her into attack mode (not that she ever came out of it) and snarls, “you’re paying more rent than me.” Well, yeah, I’m not rent stabilized like her!

“Do you know why I got the dogs?” she demands. Ugh, I don’t care. She then tells me she lived next door to crack dealers who beat her up. She then says, “You know the landlord harassed a woman for having a dog when her lease said she couldn’t have one.” Well, no kidding, the other lady was violating the lease…what is the landlord supposed to do? He's already letting her run a zoo on the 6th floor. “Well I won't let him do this to me. This is my home. I am going to sue him and Albany. You be careful, he’ll throw you out too!”

Wow. For a woman with no money she sure does wage many lawsuits. And she’s screaming like someone pulled her hair. I gather all my laundry and race out of the laundry room. On some level, the Crazy Lady does scare me. What if she is right about the landlord and he boots me out. I have no place to go. I have four friends and cannot afford to find a new home.

Kerplop, I drop my stuff in the living room and speed dial Jack. Without taking a breath, I retell the entire Crazy Lady to Jack, who finally cuts me off and says, “If a person is exposed to too much cat urine and feces they can go insane.”

That must be it! She has gone insane.


Emily said...

Jack is right. Buy her some cat litter and she'll be much nicer :)

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Dear Emily ... Indeed Jack is right and funny too! She was INSANE! I once faked like I was on the phone when I saw her walking towards me and then I called Jack to tell him and he was like "which one of you is insane?" ... right?!