Snap out of it! I self-scold. I did not uproot my ENTIRE life to sit around sad and despondent mourning Reindeer who I know for fact is over me. I finally logged back onto the matrimonial site and saw he has been regularly accessing BOTH of his profiles. In Hindi I want to curse at him. And I hope he marries an ugly girl.
The matrimonial site lets me store “favorite” profiles in a folder so I contact a few men and log off. I eye my bed and consider crawling under the covers and disappearing for a few days. Since I work from home no one would really notice my temporary departure from reality. I could also stuff my face with Lay’s sour cream and onion potato chips. Yum. Of course then I will break out and have shiny skin like a seventh grader. Un-sexy. Instead I slide into my tennis shoes and walk to the Hudson River lookout point where I gaze at the GWB.
After getting fresh air I return home and find a missed call from one of the “favorites”. Wow that was fast! And I call him back. “Allo?” he responds between pauses. “This is Dr. Balaji.” Crap. I SOOOOOOO wanted for the next man to be perfect. Instead all my hope and good thoughts are crushed at the sound of his voice. His desi accent is very VERY VERY heavy and he elongates his “s” in the South Indian style. “Is this an okay time?” I ask. “Yes, great time, I’m eating,” he shares. “Should I call back?” I offer because I want to hang-up and never talk to him or anyone again. “No, no, tell me about yourself,” he mumbles.
I hate this question. Blathering on about myself makes me sound arrogant. And didn’t he read my profile? I detailed my interests --- art, architecture, theatre, books, cooking, eating. I almost ask him about himself but I don’t care to learn anything more and hope my self-promotion will drive him away while drowning out the sound of him chewing in my ear.
When I finish my diatribe he asks, “And what are you looking for?” Okay, scratch that, I HATE this question more the other. I never know how to answer it. In general I’d like a man who values education, family and ethics. And I want to be with a man who I find physically, emotionally and intellectually attractive. I know those constructs sound vague, but I know once I find THE ONE I will recognize how these pieces come together.
This is when I realize Reindeer was NEVER going to be THE ONE because he lacked emotional attractiveness. He never once asked about my goals, wishes and dreams. “Allo?” Dr. Balaji asks. Oh shit, Dr. Balaji still needs an answer. There is a teeny tiny part of me that wants to reply with, 'my illegitimate triplets need a daddy,' but I don’t think it wise and say, “I’m looking for a good person whose company I enjoy and whose values I share. “Me too,” Dr. Balaji says. “We should meet up.”
Great. The “triplets” and I are looking forward to it …