The Indian matrimonial site that I subscribe to participates in the matchmaking. Depending on how often you select (daily, weekly, etc.) the system sends profiles of prospectives THEY think match your partner specifications.
Most days the profiles I receive are off the mark. In fact they are so off the mark I am beginning to think the only explanation for this is that a minion of desi men sit in some subterranean Bangalore bunker smoking bidis (Indian cigarettes) and throwing darts at photos as their match making strategy. And today is no exception.
Profile One is of a Muslim 24-year old living in Pakistan. There are so many problems with him, but here are the top five. First I am 100% Indian Punjabi, Sikh on my father’s side and Hindu on my mother’s side (60% of Punjab was left in Pakistan). My parents STILL talk about Partition Riots and post-Partition rations because Mohammad Ali Jinnah and the Indian Muslims (because that is really who the Pakistanis are) needed their own country in 1947. Second, I don’t know whose adjustment would be more difficult, me to the Northwest Frontier, or him to Manhattan. At 24, he’s a pup! And I have not even gotten to the WORST part. In his photo he sports a maroon corduroy jacket circa his birth, and poses in front of a pink background. Five, his full beard, yes full beard, is bushier than Saddam Hussein’s. I mean really? Is there any doubt as to why I must pass on him?
The second profile’s first sentence begins with, “I am a loving man, very sincear….” I cannot read beyond the typo and log off the site. His inability to spell check bothers me. It seems indicative of a pattern of indifference. Which has me wondering how the better half of a billion desis get married, while me, not so much. I mean really, is there some science to this? Was there a class I should have taken? Desi 101: How to Get Married.
When I die, God has some MAJOR explaining to do. We are going to sit down and over a cup of coffee (His treat), He is listening to every injustice I suffered (I have a list). And you better believe I am reincarnating next go around as thin, rich and betrothed at birth. I was not meant to be poor, forever on a diet, or this matrimonially challenged!