Tuesday, August 10, 2010


For a change I am laying in bed and not on the couch. I listen to the sounds of my neighborhood --- cars rumbling along 181st Street, dogs barking, and distant voices. Over two hours have elapsed since I set my head against the pillow so I am pretty sure the insomnia is back.

In graduate school I had chronic stress-induced insomnia. I suppose that happens when you work full time, go to night-school full time, study all weekend, never set foot in a gym for two years and live on faux nutrients found in Diet Coke and Taco Bell hot sauce. This has me thinking that the Diet Coke I drank seven hours ago is keeping me awake. But the bottle of wine I drank two hours ago should have balanced the caffeine. Perhaps it’s stress. Or maybe I hit my breaking point with men. No, scratch that. Not ALL men. Just the mentally stunted, emotionally BROKEN desi men I seem to date. And no, no, I don’t hate men, desi or otherwise, I plan to marry one. I mean, as soon as my broke-down, rusted-out stars stop conspiring against me. 

Then again maybe I am doing something wrong. Am I putting “bad” energy out there and attracting freaks and jerks? Do I even want a relationship? I mean I have been single so long, can I function in a unit? Perhaps I am a self-saboteur purposely finding all the wrong men. Recently Ainsley asked me, “Desi Girl, what do all the men you date have in common?” I thought for a long, hard minute and said, “Single and Hindu.” “I think you should date the opposite,” Ainsley suggested. “You think I should date married Christian men? I am sure their wives will just LOVE that.”

Fueled the demand of closure, I bolt out of bed. What did Scarlet O’Hara say? “As God is my witness I shall never go hungry again?” Well as God is my witness I shall no longer tolerate desi men who behave badly. They need to have the guts to say, “Desi Girl, you are NOT all that and a bag of chips. And I am not into you.” I get on the computer and open an old Town and Country email. Just as voting is my right as an American, Town and Country OWES me an explanation for his Houdini act. As I pen my 139-word email to him (ah yes, because what man won’t LOOOOOOVE opening his email and seeing this), I wonder if he flashes all his dates. Is he flashing someone now? Or was I JUST that special.

Hey there! I sent you an email last week --- on the off chance you didn’t get it and thought I was (a) blowing you off (b) still buried under a Vermont snow bank or (c) running an undercover secret opp for the CIA --- I was not!!! In all seriousness, I suspect the reality is simply you aren’t interested --- which I understand. Of course I wish you would have been honest and told me (don’t feel obligated now unless you really want to), I know (according to my men friends) they'd rather scale Mount Everest without a sub-arctic parka and endure frostbite before telling a woman they are not interested or that they want to date other people. If either has happened, I understand. In any event, I don’t have any hard feelings. Best wishes, Desi Girl

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