187. SAVER OR SPENDER BE

Money Star

When it comes to money there really are only two types of people, savers and spenders. My parents and brother are savers and they excel at resisting retail temptation. Their financial prowess and dedication to saving for monsoon days also makes them very desi. Desis, in general, are excellent with money management, which is why many of them become rich and go Republican.

I am not ONLY a spender, but the worst kind of spender because I deluded myself into thinking I am a saver. This leads me to believe I am in control of my lusty desire. I mean it’s not like I spend money on technology. I JUST upgraded my phone to include data, camera and text functions. But not a Blackberry, I am not addicted to my phone like other New Yorkers. My six-year old television, which has been mocked by the Banker, Rohit and Meera, is a perfectly fine working 13” inch Sony. I’m not a movie buff, and prefer to read or watch 10 hours of Law & Order. Music is something I no longer invest in as I have over 300 CDs spread out in two states, New York and Minnesota. So see, I have practical leanings.

Hanuman

Carless in the City saves me money on gas, insurance and oil changes. Most certainly I don’t carry Bottega bags that cost more than my Washington Heights rent. Yes, yes, I am a slave to my manicures, but they are dispensable if necessary. I shudder to think of that tragic mani-less day. Waxing, however, is a must. I cannot run around Manhattan with a uni-brow nor have hairy arms that rival Hanuman. It is also best not to have a moustache bushier than my desi date. So see, all is good and fine, I live within my means. Until I sit in front of the computer and review my online credit card statement.

During the first few minutes I convince myself that the $2,437.21 bill was accrued by someone other than me. Yes, that MUST be it. So I scroll through the charges and last month flashes by my eyes. Uh-oh. I read an article that said carry-alls, pink, ruffles, platforms, and chunky jewelry were the trend for Spring. This must be why I have a charge from J. Crew. And oh yes, Ann Taylor had a coupon sale. Oh my, I don’t remember going to Bloomingdales. Oh shoot, Macy’s had a shoe sale. Then that New York Times best seller went paperback, hard covers are too much of a weight commitment for me. Oh yes, Siobhan and I had sushi at a Zagat rated West Village restaurant. Oops, Ainsley and I went to La Palapa and we must have left a hefty tip because $37.00 is a lot of money for cheap eats! Meera and I went out for drinks. Target. Duane Reade. Associated Groceries and the list goes on and on.

I remember having a similar problem when I worked at Ann Taylor as a Sales Associate years ago. In two years I collected 12 pairs of black pants (keep in mind I have one ass) and 14 cashmere sweaters for my one and only back. Clearly the time to get serious and employ cost savings measures has arrived. I can reduce my one weekly Starbucks treat to none. That will save at least $20 a month. I used to get a coffee every day until my brother pointed out that was an annual habit of $1105. I promptly bought a coffee pot. I can also cut back on cocktails by drinking at home. Sure, that might seem depressing but I am an upbeat person who would save at least $64 a month!

I could cut the professional waxing appointments from two to one and do a touch-up each month. That will save $300 annually. And I can start saving money now! I open the linen closet and take out the wax strips. I microwave them and head back to the bathroom. I peel the wax strip from the backing and press it against my upper lip. I inhale and exhale, preparing myself for pain since I am so NOT a professional. With a fast yank, yank, ouch, ouch, my man-stache is gone. I press a strip against my eyebrow bone and and oops. The strip shifts too high and gets stuck. I have no choice but to rip it off and pray I won't have to buy an eyebrow pencil and draw my eyebrows in for the next three months. I count to ten and slowly peer into the mirror. OH THANK DURGA!!! While that was a close call, I don’t look like I got caught in a weedwacker. I will however have to tweeze the other side to even it out.

Hhhmm. While saving money is an excellent idea, one I should keep pursuing if I plan to live in Manhattan, I should not stop paying professionals for depilatory services.