230. DESI GIRL, RAMP UP OR LET GO

All single people can attest to this --- a dinner invitation for a home cooked meal is a real treat. And Meera and Rohit don’t disappoint. After finishing a lovely meal of salmon and vegetables, we settle into the plush, green living room couches with homemade brownies. It’s Rohit, Meera, me and their friend Shouldn’t-Have-Kissed-Him (I smooched him, once, after WAY too much wine, not recommended).

“What’s going on with Town and Country?” Meera asks. “I don’t know. He emails me and then disappears. He’s like the Desi Houdini,” I reply flatly. “He’s married,” Meera decides. “We’ve been over this before. He’s not married. I’ve been in almost every inch of his house, there is NO trace of a woman,” I assure her. “You were in his bedroom?” Meera asks. “Yes, that is where the master bathroom with the leaking window is. He asked me to look at,” I add. “Who is this?” Shouldn’t-Have-Kissed-Him asks. “OMG! He is the PERFECT man for Desi Girl. He gets her, and is Punjabi, smart, entrepreneur, travels…” “Whatever you think he is, after a girl goes into a guy’s bedroom she shouldn’t be surprised that he acts like this,” Shouldn’t-Have-Kissed-Him says.

I release an irritated sigh, “I wasn’t in the bedroom committing lewd acts…” “No, those came after,” Meera inserts. I smirk, ignore her and continue, “Town and Country wanted my architectural perspective.” Shouldn’t-Have-Kissed-Him ROLLS his eyes, yes, ROLLS his eyes in the manner of a bored sorority girl and says, “How naïve are you?” Uhm, excuse me, rudeness! “What?” I snap. “He isn’t hiring you to design his house; it was a ploy to get you in his room.” “You don’t know him or the context,” I argue.

Shouldn’t-Have-Kissed-Him nods and then says, “And then what?” “What?” I ask. “What happened after the review of the leaking window?" He asks in a condescending tone. I inhale and then slowly exhale; this is getting combative. “We went out a few times and then radio silent for a few months. And then he texted me, but blew me off, now he’s sorry and but I’m, ignoring him…” Okay, now that I am hearing myself share the details, I wonder if I should do these kinds of sound checks AFTER each date I go on to determine if there are elements of insanity lurking in the shadows of a second date.

“I see,” Shouldn’t-Have-Kissed-Him says slowly and raises an eyebrow at me. “And this is someone you want to date?” He asks with mock amusement and full on judgment. In retrospect, this is when I should have stopped the conversation. Perhaps talking about someone I want to / wanted to date with someone I hooked up was not the best idea. A point Siobhan will reiterate later. “And how did you end up in the master bathroom?” Shouldn’t-Have-Kissed-Him asks. “Well we were on a date and he needed to let someone into the house and he asked if I wanted to join him…” “I’m sorry, you went HOME with him?” Shouldn’t-Have- Kissed-Him asks. Now I really, really, really wish I had said nothing. In fact I kinda wish I hadn’t come to dinner at all.

“It sounds bad, but we talked and shared personal stories…” I begin. Shouldn’t-Have-Kissed-Him’s brows pop to his hairline. “If you are going to go to a guy’s house after just meeting him, none of this should surprise you," Shouldn’t-Have-Kissed-Him says. “So what you’re saying is I deserve this?” I demand. Shouldn’t-Have- Kissed-Him has opened every wound and boy heartbreak I have ever had. “No, what I am saying is that you shouldn’t be surprised,” Shouldn’t-Have-Kissed-Him says in a demeaning tone. “I see, so if a woman dresses in suggestive clothes she deserves to be raped? Good to know,” I ask in a caustic tone. Everyone in the room, including the dog stops breathing. Shouldn’t-Have-Kissed-Him looks alarmed and quickly calms his facial reaction. “That is not what I said. Don’t put words in my mouth."

Somehow I manage to say, “Look I was interested in Town and Country. Shoot I probably still am. In the beginning I may have been okay with a casual, sexual relationship. But the bottom line is we have heat, had heat and probably the heat is not going away. He contacts me, he disappears, I don’t know what is going on so I am just ignoring him,” I almost believe every word I say.

“So do you like him?” Shouldn’t-Have-Kissed-Him asks in a genuine tone. “I guess, yes,” I reply. “Then call him and tell him. Otherwise tell him to stop contacting you. Ignoring him won’t fix this. He’s obviously attracted to you, but there is something going on with him. Men aren’t like women, they don’t understand ignoring as punishment,” Shouldn’t-Have-Kissed-Him says. “So either ramp it up or let him go.”