Tuesday, November 23, 2010


I duck out of the dark subway tunnel and walk along the sunny side of 81st Street towards Riverside Park, hoping Tapan will be “the one” --- or “the one, close enough”. 

I am so ready to be done desi dating, especially since I have intermittent worry that I may end up alone, a crazy cat lady with no cats. Then again, I have been single so long that I wonder if I can function in a relationship. Maybe I have more in common with Town and Country than I thought. Maybe we both have attraction towards one another but lack the ability to compromise and make a relationship work. And this is why we act like brain-dead buffoons around each other.

Luckily, most days I am an optimist who longs for days of companionship, a life of we rather than me. I would prefer to have dinner, on a dining table, with a husband, rather than eat take-out sushi on the floor of my bedroom in front of the television, by myself. Then again, desi dating is a two-way street and I find it unfair when the aunties try and pass of their lack luster sons as catches. When I meet someone who is described as athletic and he turns out to be a 250 pound, 5’-7” man, I wonder if his mother is blind, delusional or drunk. Or perhaps auntie was hoping I was blind, delusional and drunk so I wouldn’t notice that her son outweighs me two-fold.

And by no means am I shallow. Yes, I’d like a man to be fit rather than half way to diabetes before he turns 40. But who cares about hair and height, if a man is confident and brilliant. I want someone to get me, to challenge me, to know me. I’d love to meet someone who let me run down the street, but knew when to pull me back before I slip on the ice. Someone to make me laugh and a voice to comfort my worries. And with what I'm enduring with desi dating, I'm wondering if  “the one” might not be desi. Why else is this so hard for me when 1 billion desis have mastered the groom hunt? Maybe I'm doing what Einstein warned against, that the very definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

Sometimes I do think being desi is part of my problem. When I run into aunties at the grocery store or the Roseville Target they tell me all sorts of things like. “My Pinky is a genius.” “My Ruby is a doctor.” “My Bubbli is a millionaire.” The problem is Pinky has book smarts and no life skills and gets lost looking for the loo without hubby’s help or GPS. Yes, Ruby is a doctor, but she’s a Ph.D. And Bubbli MARRIED a millionaire. I find this desi mentality frustrating at times because I allow myself to negate my own accomplishments. I am an educated, well-functioning member of society. So what if I don’t tote Louis Vuitton bags and wear Manolos, and maybe I never will, but the boots and bags I wear, I can afford.

As I wait for the light at Broadway to change, a girl with purple hair walks by and it reminds me to be who I want to be, who I need to be. This is the joy of NYC, she accepts everyone as they are. You want to have purple hair? Great, welcome! Desi Girl, you are single? Fine, be bold and fabulous. Be you and don't concern yourself with what others think.


A reader in the midwest said...

Quote: "And by no means am I shallow."

I don't want to upset you but I think this random put down of a stranger for their hair color makes no sense as a wrap up for this post (or any post, frankly.) She's "freakier" than you, and makes you feel less down about being alone and lonely, and about having aunties brag and lie to you, simply because she's got purple hair? ...Okay.

Your writing is fun to read and the topic is fascinating. (In fact, this blog reminds me very strongly of an equally enjoyable read, "For Matrimonial Purposes" by Kavita Daswani.) So, I actually intend this message as constructive criticism and not as ill-intentioned snark.

Samosas For One said...

In defense of 101 I have to say living in NYC you see a diverse array of people. At this moment I can't effectively verbalize it, but maybe this is what 101 meant?

Daswani's For Matrimonial Purposes was complete fluff South Asian chick lit. I think 101's blog holds a lot more weight and substance to it.

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Dear A reader in the midwest,

I am not at all upset, I appreciate your comment and I blog with a mission, to be a better writer and story teller and I welcome all helpful comments and things that don't sit and even shout outs to my blog typos!

I understand why you think the comment does sound shallow and like Samosas for One mentions, I did mean it in the way she thinks. What I meant was living in a small sub-culture of Punjabis in MSP I don't like going to the temple bc I feel like the aunties are like "poor unmarried thing" ... and then I feel bad that maybe this makes my mom feel bad, when I don't feel bad ... does that make any sense? I mean I want to chose wisely and someone who I love and want to grow old with. And more than that I struggle with, do I want to marry desi and the biggie ... do I want kids? Bc I love kids, my niece is a bucket of joy, but I am not sure kids are a religion I am subscribing to. Devil speak for a desi woman I guess, but it is where I am at and I work at fitting into my own life and the expectations of others ... so my point with the purple hair girl was no one bugs her in NYC, bc it takes all kinds in NYC for the urban fabric to weave.

With that said, I get the feeling that the ending of this blog was not the best and I will look at conveying it better.

I sincerely appreciate the comment and comparison and I hope you keep reading and commenting.

Desi Girl

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Dear Samosas for One ..

Thanks for your comment and coming to my defense! I do appreciate it and yes, what you are writing is what I mean. I think A reader in the midwest didn't like how it sounded or felt and I appreciate comments like that too :)

As always many thanks to you and stay warm this TG!!

Desi Girl

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Dear A reader in the midwest and Samosas for One ....

This was my first comment to comment by readers and I appreciate your notes! I will address this post very soon and thank you both for your support and reading!

Desi Girl

A reader in the midwest said...

Hello to you both,
Yes, I did read the wrap-up differently from how you intended it, then! Thanks for taking the time to respond to my comments.

I agree "For Matrimonial Purposes" is fluff but I enjoyed reading it and I meant no insult to Desi Girl by comparing this blog to that book. I wasn't sure if Desi Girl was familiar with the book and mentioned it in case she'd like to know about it...

Take care.

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Dear A reader in the midwest ...

Forgive the delay in responding. Some days it is all I can do to get the post up and other days I have so MUCH time it is unbearable!!!

And of course, happy to respond. And I am thrilled that you take the time to comment and share what sounds off to you. I do like hearing reactions.

And I read that book too and like you and Samosas for One agree that it is fluff, and I did read it and thought it was a good read. I read lots of Indian writers to stay abreast of the market place. I used to want to write fiction but am leaning more towards memoir and this blog is my first step in that direction.

Desi Girl