Wednesday, February 23, 2011

305. DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PORCUPINES AND PORSCHES


Dr. Froggy and I arrive at the resort. It looks like a French Chateau meets Frank Lloyd Wright’s Falling Rock - an alluring mix of stone and brick. He pulls up to the roundabout and stops the Porsche. I barely reach for the door when it is opened by the resort’s doorman. He offers a warm smile. “Welcome, Miss, we do hope you enjoy your stay…” he begins and stops when Dr. Froggy arrives at my side, and continues. “…and you too…sir…” 

The valet comes over to us and also smiles, “May I have the key sir?” Dr. Froggy sighs and makes a face, expressing his complete displeasure that someone other than him is going to drive the car. Why must he behave like that? He is almost 40! This not Ferris Bueller's Day off, they are not taking the car for a spin, just a spot to park!

This also reinforces why one of my favorite jokes is, “What is the difference between porcupines and Porsches?” On the porcupine the pricks are on the outside. The valet and doorman exchange glances and then give me “the look”. The one that says “Desi Girl you are either dating him because he is rich or has a huge penis, because this guy is a jerk and we see no other reason for you to date him." I know the look, I routinely flash it when I stroll along Park Avenue. But I what do I know - I don't like cars, driving is a religion I am not subscribing to, which is why I am content living on a small island.

Once inside we are escorted through the resort filled with clean modern lines, brick pillars in the bar, and a stone fireplace in the lounge. Our escort unlocks the door to our room and I have to swallow my smirk. This freaking resort room is bigger than my apartment!

I set my bag on the luggage stand and unzip it. I root around for my make-up and black dress that requires no ironing. Dr. Froggy hangs his clothes and suit in the closet and goes into the bathroom. I brush blush against my cheeks and look around the room. There is a king sized bed in the middle of the room, windows with molding, and dark panel walls. On the other side of the bed is an air-mattress, nice to see that Dr. Froggy is a gentleman.

He comes of the bathroom dressed for drinks and I duck in to the huge bathroom with a shower and tub, jack and jill sinks against a light brown marble and tile finish. I put on my dress and light pink sweater, and go back into the bedroom. Dr. Froggy smiles, “I like that dress on you.” “Thanks,” I reply. I knew this, which is why I brought it. He goes back into the bathroom and slaps cologne on his neck. “You know I don’t mean to be morbid, but I want to die in the arms of my wife,” he says. “It’s not morbid. Why get married if you don’t look forward to seeing and spending time with that person?” I ask. He nods and we leave the room and join his friends in the bar downstairs.

They are two Punjabi couples, Sudhir and Sudha, and Amarjit and Malini. Sudha is GORGEOUS, and she sports a rock so big I wonder if it will break her wrist. She’s a doctor and her marriage to Sudhir was arranged. I got the Cliffs Notes on everyone before I arrived. Turns out Sudhir was a complete flake in college, no one even knows how he became a doctor because he was very busy smoking pot and dating a blonde girlfriend that his mother chased and then replaced with Sudha. Now Sudhir, Sudha and their two kids live his parents. Aiy.

Both Sudhir and Amarjit are Sikh. Amarjit is turbaned, which I admire dearly. I am proud to be Punju, half Hindi and half Sikh, but I am not Sikh enough to grow my hair and wear the kara, a stainless steel bangle. It takes great strength and courage to be a man especially who does not cut his hair or beard in America.

The gents find the ladies space to sit at the bar and for hours we sit and chat, like we had known one another for years, rather than minutes.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

I can understand Dr. Froggy's trepidation at handing over his car keys (if only he wasn't so obsessed with his things) but being fussy in front of the valet was not smart. Valets have been known to take joyrides, and even if they don't, there's always the risk of hurting an unfamiliar car & usually the damage is discovered later & the owner is stuck with the repair bill. For example, the valet while driving up a Porsche from an underground garage can leave the car in 3rd gear on the incline & damage some transmission bushings, thus requiring expensive transmission work a few months down the line. Something like this will be undetectable at the time & hard to prove later.
Can you tell I HATE valet parking? ;) Could you tell me what kind of Porsche did he have?

--aj.

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Dear Anonymous -

Okay that is fair enough - no one wants their stuff messed with, and you are right thought, if he wasn't such a freak about his stuff. Then again who am I to judge it is his Porsche 911 not mine.

But yes, being a snob in front of the valet is dumb and not cool, it's like being a wanker to the waiter.

xo,
Desi Girl

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Dear Anonymous -

P.S. - And hey, I don't like driving that is why I live in New York, so sure I can respect you not liking valets!

xo,
Desi Girl

My Courageous Life said...

101: I don't know how to ask this in this public forum, but...well...maybe I missed it somewhere, but you traveled to meet Dr. Froggy despite the fact that you don't seem physically attracted to him. You've never once kissed him. And then you stayed in his house with his mother and then spent 5 hours alone with her? That's a lot of effort to put in for someone that you don't sound very into romantically.

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Dear MCL -

Ha! This is a public forum so I think you have to do what you did!

Indeed you are correct it is a LOT LOT LOT effort to invest in someone who is as sexually exciting as a snail. But (as you know, these past events being written about in present tense, real time) I was fixated on him being nice and the opposite of T&C who does nothing but rip thru my life like a torsoon - a tornado meets monsoon! -

And more on this is coming next week I promise, I am still trying to figure out how to handling how un-sexually attractive he was, wo being cruel. More soon - I promise, you and Sunny are on the same wave length!

xo,
Desi Girl