308. CHASING THE BAR

“I don’t understand what you’re doing,” Siobhan says into the phone. “What do you mean?” I ask puzzled and kick my feet onto my desk. I just finished telling her about my weekend Dr. Froggy date and this was not the reaction I was expecting. “I don’t know where to begin…he’s telling you, you cannot tell his boss you’re a Democrat? Are you hearing yourself? He wants you to lie and you’re okay with it?” “Well technically I think I’m a libertarian…” I counter. “This isn’t funny…I think he's a bad idea. You routinely tell me that there are billion Indians and the two you are fixated on are Dr. Froggy and Town and Country…in fact I think Dr. Froggy is a bigger mistake than Town and Country because you’re willing to uproot your life for him…have you really thought about this? What if you marry him, move there and it doesn’t end up working out?”

“I guess I assumed it will work – I know plenty of Indians who have had arranged marriages and it has worked out just fine – most of my cousins and relatives in fact,” I argue. Siobhan groans loudly. “I didn’t love you the first time I met you,” I counter. “I mean I love you now, but getting to know you and building our friendship didn’t happen overnight,” I explain. “This is not the same, Pinko…” Siobhan says in a softer tone. “I think you’re under a lot of pressure to get married, and maybe if I really thought you would be happy with Dr. Froggy I’d let this go. But my gut tells me this is all wrong. Just promise me you’ll think about this long and hard – think about WHO you are doing this for and will YOU be happy? Relationships are hard enough…and the rest of your life is a long to time be miserable.”

It’s my turn to sigh loudly. For the past two days I have been wondering maybe I have a distorted or false sense of love. I have high and exacting standards that border along the lines of impractical perfection. I hold myself up to a ridiculously high bar I don’t measure up to. So how is Dr. Froggy supposed to measure up if my ideal man is figment of my imagination. Maybe this is why I pick men like Town and Country - it keeps me chasing the bar.

“Look I make lots of rash decisions and I really need to give Dr. Froggy a chance. I never planned to date my college boyfriend and I did for four years,” I say. “And I want to get married and have kids,” I reply flatly. “Fine, but with him?” she asks. “He is nice to me,” I reply. “But you have no chemistry,” Siobhan argues. “And I did with Town and Country and look at where that gets me?” "And what? It is one or the other? You can't find a better balance?" Siobhan asks.