I have my date with, Tao, one of the Queens boys. He lives in Forest Hills. From his photo he’s tall, average looking and has all of his hair. According to his profile he’s over 6’-0” feet tall and four years younger than me. When we first talked, I asked several times about the age difference, in several ways, to make sure he KNEW I was older. This is an issue for some desi moms. They don’t like it when their sons marry older women. I don’t know why, maybe there’s some Hindu scripture about it that I couldn’t be bothered to learn.
Tao is easy to find. He’s desi and wears tennis shoes. It is a good thing we’re not meeting at Campbell Apartment or the 21 Club that has a dress code for men. In fact we are meeting at TAO New York, a very cool Asian restaurant in Midtown. TAO New York used to be a 19th Century stable for the Vanderbilt’s, then it was tiered theatre, and now it is where New Yorkers dine. And it has a GIGANTIC Buddha in the middle of the dining room.
Tao, the date, and I are seated and order drinks. He orders Jack and Coke and I red wine. He talks about work, and that he doesn’t have time for hobbies because he is very busy with his job. So immediately I wonder how this is going to work geographically, of course if I move to Long Island City with Ainsley, half of that battle is over. But if he is too busy to date, this is an issue too, I cannot do another Town and Country “romance”.
Tao then talks about sports and mentions watching some Philadelphia Steelers game. I literally CHOKE on my wine. I may have mentioned a few times that I am NOT sporty. But even I KNOW that the Steelers belong to Pittsburgh, and the Eagles to Philadelphia. There is a part of me that wonders if he confused the team’s names and I don’t correct him.
He keeps talking and tells me about his sister and her husband who live near him in Queens. It is when he tells me he has never had a girlfriend that I freeze. Ugh, really? I don’t want to be the one who breaks him in. And then he decides that he needs to see what else is out there, because Desi Girl is no man’s sloppy seconds. And I think it is unfair to him not to date more people. I also think our dating experience and maturity about expressing feelings will be more prominent age-wise now.
“Tao, thanks for sharing that with me, I think you’re a great guy, but I think you need to take some time and date, really put yourself out there. New York is filled with lots of desi singles looking to meet someone special,” I say. “I think you’re special,” he says. Oh boy. “That is very nice of you to say, but I really think you should have some relationships that shape, you learn from every person you meet and date. I think you should do that before you select the one,” I say. “What if I date and still want to see you again?” Tao asks. “Then call me,” I say. “How many people should I date before I know I have found the one?” he asks. “I don’t know. You just know when you know.”