Monday, September 5, 2011


“I won’t take the FDR --- too much traffic at this hour --- okay with you, Miss?” the driver asks and looks at me through the rearview mirror.

I nod from the back the cab and watch Midtown flash by. Something that does not normally happen to me, begins to happen. I feel a little nervous about seeing Town and Country. I mean this guy has managed to make me experience almost every emotion – anger, sadness, rejection, dejection, happiness, giddiness – and now, and finally now – nervousness.

I mean on one hand – yes I want him to find me attractive and be excited to see me. On the other, won’t this just be another version of his “I like you, but I like me more.” Or maybe it is not even “I like me more”, maybe he cannot be in a relationship and be a workaholic. Something, that in time, I will learn to understand. But right now, this is something that makes me insane. Why can’t he just squeeze me into his life? I mean – if he is still attracted to me. And why am I attracted to him?

Who are these people who are in “touch” with their feelings and in control of their emotions? How do they know how to cut their losses and move on? I mean, New York is filled with women (a) married women and (b) women who know when to move on. Does this second category of women, just not feel feelings as intensely as I do?

I know my closest friends describe me as loyal. They tell me that loyalty is one of my best qualities. Tate has even told me that while loyalty is the one of the things she loves most about me – it is one of the things that does me in – that I am too loyal sometimes, at the detriment of myself because other people get the best of me and I am left with nothing. Is loyal to the idea of him, loyal to my feelings of attraction to him, the reason I don’t move and try and meet someone sensible. I mean – Town and Country is not a sensible choice, right? No – he is not. He is not sensible.

My phone beeps and I reach for it.

Text from Town and Country: How close are you?
Text from Desi Girl: In a cab. 10 mins out. The bags are heavy.
Text from Town and Country: Text me when you reach here. I will come and help you.

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