Sunday, September 11, 2011

448. DESI GIRL IS FINALLY DE-NAILED


I get my $4 bottle of vinho verde and head home. I pour a cup of water into a pot and let it boil. I add the ramen noodles and then the spiced sodium packet.

I sit down and eat my dinner, wash it down with a glass of wine and stare at my nails. The time has come to break my $70 French manicured gel nail habit. I pour a second glass of wine and drink it in two gulps. Even though I know I need to to do this - I don't want to and decide to watch Law and Order.

I keep glancing at my nails, surveying each nail, one at a time, one last time. Then I bite across the wide part of my left nail until it snaps and I crack through the 6 layers of gel. Once the nail shellac is loose I use my opposite thumb nail to pull the layered gel from my nail, before tearing the top layer of my actual nail. It stings at first, then it throbs a little, and finally subsides. I do the same thing for each finger on my left hand, then the right hand. Until all of nails are reduced to the nubs.

By the time I am done, I am crying - I know how uber stupid girl I sound - but I have been getting my nails done since 1995 - it is, in my mind, my signature thing. And yes it would have been easier to go into a salon and have the gel layers soaked off. But it was something I needed to do in private. Alone. In the long run, some day when I decide to buy an apartment, I will be glad that I got my financial house in order. But right now I feel sad that this is not the life I thought I'd be living. And kinda like my nails I feel, bitten, rough and raw.


6 comments:

Anonymous said...

your blog has become a guilty pleasure of mine. i'm punjabi but british born, yes we are very crazy over there, but i think the canadians punjabis are the worst.

Anonymous said...

Hey desi girl.. cheer up..and hang in there.. and really..come on.. in the big picture.. your nails really don't deserve to mess with your inner peace.. so don't let them make you unhappy my dear.. you're a strong spirit and I love reading what you write.. you have a lovely talent.. tomorrow will be a happier day..so.. smile : ) it could be worse.. but it's not : )

Anonymous said...

it seems that this finding a guy malarkey in NYC has really started to make you question who you are as a person. I guess your fake nails are a great euphemism to anything that might be slightly fake about yourself(nothing wrong with that). I guess sometimes you have to take off the bullshit to get to the real person. There is nothing wrong with feeling bitter/rough/raw seems like a good place to start.

To be honest you come across very much a typical desi girl, that want a genuine and sincere guy but there's nothing sincere about them (no offence). Also when a decent guy does come across you're so much full of your own bs that you don't notice. Unfortunately i have to agree with the writer for Mad Men she wrote the reason why most aren't married is that they usually fall under various categories none of them which are pleasant. if you do anyone who is married and does fall in those categories then there husband is probably or a jerk or just to stupid to notice.

My advise, it seems that you are trying to find someone that your parents or family would approve. Or someone that would fit into a stereotype or an image that has not really be concocted by oneself.

Don't worry there's a probably some rich desi doctor/dentist/businessman that will have enough to buy your love.

I guess we all have our price now don't we.

To the person who commented that things cant be worse. Well shes bitter/rough/raw don't look to good to me to be honest

British Punjabi Born Amused Desi

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Dear Anonymous One -

Hey thanks - it is fun to be a guilty pleasure! Glad you enjoy it - Punjus! I think we are crazy good everywhere! :)

xo,
Desi Girl

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Dear Anonymous -

Indeed - I did hang in there and you are right with time on my side - I did get over it - but it was like when you get your hair permed for years and then go back to au natural. I think it is just shocking - the change, but then you settle into the new and you are def right it would be worse. Best to appreciate what you have today.

xo,
Desi Girl

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Dear Anonymous Three -

Well - I think being and living and growing has me questioning. I have always been inquisitive and I have always wanted to hear both sides of a story or a debate to ensure I have all the facts before deciding, voting, breaking up with someone, getting into an argument.

I never sat down and wondered why I got my nails done or who I was trying to impress (me or someone else). But now that they are gone and have been gone for several years I dont miss then and in fact I wonder why I got them done. Maybe I was going it as a pamerping thing a mani-pedi type of thing. Who knows, maybe it was a decade long phase.

I think we are all fake in some ways but I think in ways that matter I am real - I hear what you are saying about me being a typical desi girl - I mentioned this to a co-worker today - and he clearly knows me differently and you can only make determinations from what I have shared - but I think wanting your parents to like who you select is not a bad thing.

I disagree with you on two points, one, I don't think it was fair to judge Anonymous Two - we know nothing about this person other than the 100-ish words they wrote in the spirit of support. I think it could be worse - I could get hit by a bus, lose feeling in my left arm.

Two, if I wanted a doctor and his money and the life style - I would have married Dr. Froggy. I liked Reindeer just fine - he didn't like me back. So that was that. Let me be clear about one thing, I am not that simple that I can be bought.

I will say that I agree with you that I do have an idea of what I wanted - a Punjabi guy. Sometimes what you think you want is not what destiny decides for you - so the story continues.

xo,
Desi Girl