Thursday, November 24, 2011

501. BIG CITIES ARE ADDICTIVE BUT YOU HAVE TO LEAVE NEW YORK


We sit down a table for four in the middle of a very bright and sunny dining room. This is much nicer than standing in line to get a table at Sarabeth’s. The waiter comes by and pours bottled water into our glasses. I shudder. I wonder how much that is going to cost. I never order bottled water. I barely even buy bottled water from the store for my home use. It seems like such a waste of money, especially since New York City tap water is clean. I clearly don’t make the kind of money required to run with Bhaiya. Besides, now that I live in a walk-up, there is NO WAY I am carrying water up the stairs. 

“Can I get you coffee or tea?” the water asks. Bhaiya nods and I order first, “coffee please.” “Green tea,” Bhaiya says. “Any juices?” the waiter asks. “I’ll have an orange juice,” I reply. Why not? If I am dirnking overpriced water, why not get some juice too.

“Let’s have some baked goods,” Bhaiya says. We get up and survey the massive assortment of freshly baked croissants (chocolate, almond, plain), muffins (banana nut, chocolate chip, cranberry bran, apple cinnamon, blueberry), breads (whole wheat, white, rye, pumpernickel) and the sweet breads with icing (pumpkin, zucchini, lemon poppyseed). I half-laugh and he gives me a funny look. “What?’ he asks. “Do you remember when I visited, the girls were about 4 and they were mad crazy about chocolate crossies?” I ask. They could say chocolate but not croissant so every morning there was the renewed and frenzied request for chocolate croissants. He nods and piles a few onto the plate. I sure hope he is eating them because I was thinking about having an omelet for breakfast. I am ravenous from working out and need some protein. And some fruit, which I pile onto my plate.

We return to the table, the fastest waiter in the world returns and I order an omelet. And some bacon. Bhaiya orders an egg white scramble with veggies. Okay, well, at least that is better than wheat germ and flax.

“So how are things?” he asks. Hhhmm. I never know how to answer this with family. I get the feeling that Bhaiya disagrees with decisions I have taken in life. Not that I blame him. I guess right, he cares about me? Right? We are cousins. And his mother, Massi, is like a second Mom to me. And though he has never said anything, I think he thinks I should have never worked in a family business, but I don’t really think there is a lot of choice about such things. To be a card carrying member of the peace in my immediate family, it is best to not muddy the waters. It is best to tow the party line and do what it is expected of you. I think this has come more easily to Desi Brother than me.

And the subject of marriage is a hot one. Bangalore Cousin has really pushed me with the desi dating. Bhaiya, on the other hand has asked a few times why someone living in Minnesota was resigned to marrying a desi, when the state was filled with blondes. While I know Bangalore Cousin was really pleased to see me move, Bhaiya seems to have mixed feelings on that. I think he thinks I should have just gotten married 15 years ago and had some kids. I sometimes think he cannot relate to me.

“Things are okay,” I reply. “I love New York – but I am thinking that I need to find a new job. Can you help me? I know you are pretty connected in the finance community and I’d be willing to do something entry level, like answer phones or be a receptionist – the security of getting a paycheck and health insurance is worth it,” I say quickly. It makes me uncomfortable for some reason. I give help. I actually am the first person to offer help. But I am the last to take any. So it is killing me to ask him for help. And I am not asking him to fund my lifestyle or pay my rent. I am just asking who he may know and can help me network.

He nods. I can tell he is thinking. He wipes his lips with the napkin and sets it to the side. “I can see what I can do,” he says. Even though he says it, I don’t believe him. “But I think you should leave New York,” he says.

The look that must come across my face must be one of horror, terror and pain, because he quickly says. “Look, I understand the appeal of big cities. They are alluring. Exciting. Addicitive. But these are not places to live,” he says.

Really? Tell that to the 8 million people who live in New York City and call it home. I think they would disagree.

14 comments:

supriya's blog said...

Hi Desi Girl,

I just stumbled upon your blog very recently and I can relate to it a lot.. as desi dater/ single desi woman living in a big city in the US ( DC in my case). However in my case, I grew up in Mumbai , India.
Not only do you narrate your life story with witty humor and timing , but you also manage to keep it real. I hope your dad is feeling better.. I wish I had kept a blog about my misadventure.and kept it light and funny. I am hooked to your blog now and waiting to hear more.. in the mean while thinking abt blogging myself :)
XO,
dc girl

Anonymous said...

Bhaiya in a way is right about working in the family business. Sometimes too much family involvement spoils the healthiness of the family and life. Also life teaches you more when you are independent and by yourself.

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Hello Supriya!

Thanks for your note - it is nice to hear from a fellow desi dater :) and thanks for your kind words. So glad you enjoy it and I shall keep on writing and why not blog? If you dont like it, you can stop :)

More soon!
xo,
DG

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Dear Anonymous -

Yep. He is right. He has me thinking about a lot of things that I either did not want to think about or even if I thought about it, changing my work situation was out of my control bc (a) Dad was the boss and (b) Dad had some ideas about the work women do and the work men do, when it came to me. Sounds sexist, will explain more in upcoming posts.

More soon!
xo,
DG

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Dear Supriya -

p.s. yes Dad gets better every day!

xo
DG

Anonymous said...

As a good dad, he should have made the kids the boss or fully independent, while he involving less and less, if he cared about the kids happiness. Bhaiya must have realised the situation and thought about it before saying it. Waiting to hear more.

Anonymous said...

I agree with bhaiya on dating the blondes, what is wrong with it?

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Dear Anonymous -

I dont have an issue with blondes :) I dont know - I just stumbled into wanting to date brown, there is a part of me that is desi and wanted a desi partner. But this is something that I need to really search my feelings about (sorry if that sounds too Obi Wan Kenobi) - I guess I thought THE ONE, MY THE ONE, would be desi - is desi - sooooooo I think this is something that needs deep reflection.

xo
DG

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Dear Anonymous -

<> In response to your comment, I agree with you too much family is one issues, another issue is Dad has some old fashioned ideas about women in business and I think my true talents are not leveraged, which is an issue for me since I think I need more, want more, so then the issue is how to tell someone whose business is his identity that you want out. So it is also complicated - but I believe I will get to where I am going. I am not worried. Just feeling the faith!

xo
DG

Anonymous said...

Hopefully your fine brother is finding his way out from the business like you did in search his own happiness and insanity.It is cruel to live for somebody's else identity and live their life while sacrificing yours.

Anonymous said...

Having a blonde partner is better than having no partner at all for rest of your life. And you have come across so many useless desis already. Hopefully you change your mind soon and find somebody worth living and let go all the barriers which are pulling you down and your happiness.

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Dear Anonymous -

Agreed. It is cruel to live for others. Took some time for me to figure that out. I am not saying I am cured of Hindu Girl Guilt - but I am getting there.

xo
DG

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Dear Anoymous -

Yes. More blondes please. I have this friend, he is my work brother, at work who likes to egg this other guy on at work, who is Indian. The Indian Guy is constantly asking Work Brother why I am not married and why I dont live with my parents. And Work Brother likes to tell him to arrange my marriage. So here I am trying to find a cutie at work to date and Work Brother is trying to stick UP's finest on me!

More blondes pls!

xo
DG

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

p.s. My brother is happy working and designing and good at it ...