Sunday, December 18, 2011

519. WISHING YOU WELL


I walk the loop one more time. Up First Avenue, to 87th Street, back to Park, to 79th and then home. The cool night flicks little brisk kisses of wind across my cheeks. It is not so cold that I am freezing, but it is cool enough to where I don’t want to stay outside and complete another loop. 

I reach into my pocket and get my keys ready for the door. We (my neighbors and I) are not sure at what time, but at some time the steps of the church across our building become the sleeping station for the city’s homeless folks. I think it is really sad that they are homeless, especially those who fought for America in wars. I know we have services for them, thanks to God I have never been homeless, but it is awful. 

When I lived in Washington Heights, there was a homeless man there who was fed by a lot of the restaurant owners. Sometimes when I would come home from dinner, I would see him sitting outside the subway and he’d ask for my leftovers and without thinking I would hand them over. He also slept outside the subway station so some mornings on the way to the gym I’d leave my banana or granola bar for him. I once covered him in a blanket. To his credit he survives the winter, the summer, the heat, the cold.

I get back into my apartment the force of the heat from the radiator hits me. OMG. It is SO hot in the apartment. I thought the Washington Heights apartment was hot, but that was nothing. At least there I could leave my windows wide open because I had gates and window screens. But now my window is off of the fire escape which worries me a little so I close the windows before I go to bed.

I change into shorts and a tank top. Out of habit reach for my phone and don’t believe this. A missed call from Town and Country? We have NEVER spoken on the phone, this is strange and a part of me thinks I am imagining his number populating on he call list, so I hit the button for last call received and I go into his voicemail. “Hey, it’s me – Desi Girl. Did you call me? I thought you were done with this.” I hang up and I feel itchy and scratchy again. What is going on? Did I make up his yelling at me text messages? So I text him back.

Desi Girl: Hey. I think you called me. I find it weird since you have never called me before. I understood that we were done. So I don’t plan to contact you again. I don't even know why I am texting you - but I wish you well.

 

10 comments:

Adventurous Ammena said...

wow... hes playing... I pray this doesnt hurt you even more because you soo dont deserve that... Chin up hun, move on and up :)

loveinldn said...

This guy is clearly playing games. You deserve better!

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Dear Adventurous Ammena -

I know. He is playing. He is bad, so bad for me - must shake him! Chin is moving up! And he is hurtful, in that he hurts me. Whether he means to or not - he does.

xo,
DG

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Dear loveinldn -

Thanks! Agree to needing wanting and deserving better - time to find that!

xo,
DG

Anonymous said...

Have you ever tried meditation. It is very good for you so you don't react to people's action so much emotionally. You will learn to control your emotions and donot react that quickly. I will suggest to do meditation, it will definately help you calm down your hyperness and will be better for you in the long term. Just try once, I am sure you won't quit and won't get hurt so badly.

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Dear Anonymous who wrote about meditation -

Interesting that you bring this up, I was just talking to a friend about this today. She swears by it, and said the same thing to me, that since I am high strung and move at a jack rabbit pace and live in NYC - that something to balance that "always on" is something to consider.

Do you do this? Any recommendations? Would love insight, I am trying to center and bring more zen into my life. Resetting my mindset for the new year.

Thanks!
xo,
DG

Anonymous said...

I practice vipassana and I am a completly new person. There are lot of vipassana centers in New York.I used to hyperact for everything, but now I reason it differently and have calm down a lot.Even people around me have noticed. It is completly mind blowing and will help you understand yourself more. Highly recommended.

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Dear Anonymous -

This is great, thanks for sharing the type of meditation. I am doing a lot of my goal setting for 2012 right now and more exercise in all sorts of forms is on my list, exercise for my mind (meditation), body (more gym visits) and mind/body (yoga).

I am also cutting back on the processed foods --- pastas, breads, chips. It is a little tough when you think about hom much is processed and of course I am not giving up Diet Coke. I can give up a lot, chips, vino, pasta, scale back on the meat --- but Diet Coke --- no, I know very bad. But true.

Sounds good ---- looking forward to being mind blown!

xo
DG

Anonymous said...

Wouldn't it be hilarious if T&C had his own blog going on.

Phone was in my pocket, I accidently called whatshername oh shit.

10 minutes later, she has now texted me back telling me she doesn't want to talk to me.

Talk about Drama Mama

Anonymous said...

I will say you see a therapist, obviously the family and friends are not helping. You have to help yourself out of this. There is nothing abnormal in seeking help with a therapist, atleast you can talk and ask what is wrong with this big picture. The main thing is to realise that there is something wrong and what is wrong?. When there is help take it and move on with a happy life instead of moving on to the next car crash.