Wednesday, December 21, 2011

521. GETTING ONE MONTH FOR FREE!


I ask myself what was so attractive about him?  I am having a get real moment with myself. And how idiotic it was to invest in him, in what? Yes, much of the attraction was physical and definitely him being Punjabi was a plus. I was not resigned to only marrying Punjabi. But 98% of my family and extended family is Punjabi.  So on some level, that appealed to me. But if I would be honest, which I have to be now --- this is ridiculous. He has behaved like a total a-hole and ONLY because he is desi, and really ONLY because he is Punjabi did I tolerate it? That is even more ridiculous.

And surely Town and Country is not thinking about me and probably has gone back to making deals. And what is the point in mourning in something that is gone, over and lost – and what was it anyway? Kinda stupid to like a guy who liked me, and then didn’t like me, and then didn’t and then did again. And WHAT was that? I mean sure, I should have looked before I leapt.  But what was with him and all the back and forth? Why did he follow-up after every meeting and say it was nice to have me there. It was nice to see me. That he liked this top or that skirt. And what a jerk, who cannot say thank you, or stop with the stringing along and flirting? Ugh, this is so gross.

Whatever. I need to forget and move on, tie up important loose ends like clean my apartment, clear out the fridge and select a gym before I head back to the Minne on Friday to spend time with my parents.

When I first joined US Swim and Fitness I was in high school, I paid $39 a month for a year and then $6 a month for life after that. So when US Swim was bought out by Bally’s that was REALLY nice because I could use those gyms all over the country. When I moved to Washington Heights there were no gyms within 30 blocks, so I joined Planet Fitness in the Bronx. It wasn’t bad, weights and treadmills – but I think I am hitting a plateau and need to shake it up a bit.

I grab the phone and dial.

“This is Tate,” she says. “Tater-tot! Desi Girl, here.” “Hiya – whacha doin’?” she asks. “Picking a gym. I am down to three.” “Join mine – we can take ballet and zumba,” she says. “Where are you at?” I ask. “New York Sports Club,” she replies. “I have free passes, wanna go with me?” she asks. “I would love to, but I am leaving for the Minne on Friday. It is waaaaay cold and snowing there,” I reply.

I have been monitoring the weather for a few days, trying to figure out if it will be possible to skip packing the winter boots, they take up too much space in the carry-on.  “If I join New York Health and Racquet, they have a yacht members can rent and take for a spin around the island,” I say. “Or I guess I can just ride the Circle Line one day too.” “You could,” she says. “Join my gym. When I come up there to visit my boyfriend, we can take classes together.”

As she has been talking I have been online looking up her gym and see that if you sign up now, you don’t get billed for January, which means I am getting one month for free. Sweet! And sold! Who says there are no deals in the Big Apple? All I need is a new diet and some relaxation and I am set for the next year. I am rather looking forward to the possibilities that are yet to come.

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

It is really sad people are trying to help u but instead u are reverting back to ur old self. I think u r pretending or just avoiding the heartache, now u r saying that u only liked him because his looks and he was Punjabi, therefore diminishung the true reasons why u were attracted to him. It's sad but there is a lotof hurt and u think just putting on a smile will disappear the.hurt. it won't. I think urfriends and family have not guided u well, u need to guide urself. It will take u years to get over this incident its easy to delete email and text messages but its very hard to delete the pain and.the.memories

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Dear Anonymous -

I agree with you 100%. I am trying to be positive and move on. There is no doubt that more sadness will come. Anger too. Loss too.

I am also very honest that I did like him for being Punjabi. I have never really gone into it - but being Punjabi and having a Punjabi partner was important to me. I dont know that I really realize it until I moved to NY bc we did not have tons of Indians in Minnesota.

I assure you that this T&C grieving and feeling is far from over. But I need to think about things than spend all my days crying, bc like I said that is not over.

xo,
DG

Anonymous said...

I think u do not like the truth, u think that things will just turn out the best, with t&c I didn't see anything to show u were in a relationship u were just hoping but he wasn't giving u hope.

Maybe that is how u are in life. U just.hope for the best, its really I think we all want you to be happy,but the things that we want life don't just happen, sometimes we need to take a step back and see within ourselves.


Nobody thinks u are bad person, no body hates u , and I think ppl care for u. But u r stubborn, defensive and even in deniel with ur own emotions.

Anonymous said...

Be aware of Punjabis. Lots of my friends got into a beautiful relationship with the punjabi boys then the father in law, mother in law, sis in law and bro in law came spoiled the whole relationship and brought divorce and unhappiness to them. Definately exceptions are there. You are never gonna get the boy alone (you wish) and here you don't even know T$C's family is and how they are. Being a Punjabi doesnot mean anything. So please move on with towards the reality and waste on your time on the punjabi partners only. At the end, the color and race, the language, the food doesnot matter, it is just the person who you love matters and what compromises you are gonna do for him to reach midway and vice versa. That's all! Please take people's suggestions (some are honest and cruel but on the spot) instead of ruling them out as a negative feedback. AND DONT REVERT BACK TO YOUR OLD SELF because it is not going to take you anywhere, but may end up at the same spot where you are now. And really some good honest friends instead of friends who are supporting you to be the same and keep moving up with out realising how hurt you are.

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Dear Anonymous -

I have no issue with the truth. Since Saturday I have been trying to work at my job, post my posts, work on my writing homework, etc. Since Saturday there is someone posting completely toxic comments --- perhaps you dont find them toxic --- that is your view to have.

It it makes you feel better to call me stubborn and defensive, fine have it.

If you dont think some of the comments are hateful, toxic and the like --- well then here we will have to disagree.

I am getting to a point with this that I am considering turning the comments off. This is just nuts. I have never said things like I hate men, yet someone who does not know me has decided I do -- would you not take offense to that?

Lordy.

DG

Anonymous said...

Again reading ur post u r blaming t&c saying he was a jerk, was he really or is it ur way in coming to terms

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Dear Anonymous -

Thanks for comments on the Punjabis. I do know what you mean. My parents are not like that (tho perhaps we shd ask my sis-in-law!) but I have seen that esp with my cousins in India (and no I am not saying all Punjabis in India are like that so pls no one turn that into some sort of comment other than it is the truth with some folks in my family).

You are right about really being color blind. It is about the person. But I think in my mind I had an idea of him, and in that idea he was Punjabi. With that said 20 years ago my bf was a Swede, so things change. Wld be full circle if I land up with a Swede!

Like I have said more times than a broken record, send along the comments --- but the language and tone and rudeness is not being tolerated. It is not.

Someone wrote and said T&C did not like bc I was fat or out of shape or something like that --- I mean really? And pls tell me where the honesty is in that comment? Another comment was he was looking for the perfect woman and I am not that woman --- again, really? I am not putting up with that.

Some of the comments over the weekend were pretty rude too --- and I did not delete them.

But enough is enough.

xo
DG

Anonymous said...

I think the comment about u not being perfect and him being perfect was not in the literal sence. It means what we hold as perfection what we belive in to be our ideal person that we should be with. If u r asked what is ur ideal partener u will have list based on internal and external reasons. So will the other person. Most of the time this list we have is not a true list, because sometime it is other ppls perception that can make us believe what we should find attractive or not. The reason u can't find a bf is because u r being dictacted by other ppls influmce this can be recent or even when u were a child, t&c was neither loving or caring , shouldn't those be ur main areas to focus. I think I and other commentators prob care about u more the t&c, it really says a lot about but even more about u

Anonymous said...

I don't really think its got anything to do with punjabis but with desi girls fixation on them. I think the Punjabi are the same as other Indian ethnic groups no ones family is too keen when someone marries outside of the families culture. I'm Punjabi and my.mum would freak out if I married a guju or Tamil and.I'm Punjabi

Anonymous said...

You should move to bay area there's loads of punjabis there

Anonymous said...

Psychologically we always look for the qualities that our parents have, so if ur a gal ur father has inflenced u alot and therefore that us why u want to date a Punjabi guy. I think u r going for guys that have the same qualities as yr father, which is no bad thing it just means u r overlooking what the most impt things are for a relationships. If ur a guy then its the mother who become the ideal. On a deeper level some look for qualiies that were lacking from our parents it we may go partners have the qualities as our parent, it is.usually mixture of the two, we are looking for a substution that is in other words better then the relationship that we had with either our mother or farther

Lovely said...

Wow. This is absolutely nutso. DG: I would disable the comments if I were you. Maybe that whack-job will find himself another means of entertainment then.

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Dear Lovely -

LOL! You have NO idea. The comments have taken on a life of their own. I thought about turning off the comments. We'll see - I believe in freedom of speech. Some of the way super mega nasty have subsided. Now I am getting a lot of "you are defensive and your comments say a lot about you." -- which is fine and truth when called fat or other titles for the blog were suggested lordy :)

I dont think I should have to be nice to someone who is clearly not nice.

We'll see :) more soon!
xo,
DG

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Dear Anonymous who wrote "Nobody thinks u are bad person, no body hates u ....." this is fine and all but did you read the comments?

They are really crappy. That is what I am saying that I get along with 98% of the population. I get along with a boatload of personality types, even the ones that everyone else dislikes. So I kinda disagree with this -- those comments were fueled by someone's hate with something and they decide to target me, which is fine, but I am not putting up with that nonsense.

DG

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Dear Anonymous who wrote "Again reading ur post u r blaming t&c saying he was a jerk, was he really or is it ur way in coming to terms"

It is both. He was not all bad, most of us are both, good and bad. But as a person (in this case me) works through their feelings they are sad, then feel loss, and anger, and then repeat. And then one day it is done and you move on.

xo
DG

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Dear Anonymous who made the comment about perfect,

Thanks for the note, it makes sense what you write.

Okay --- that is it I am logging off the computer for the night. Sorry that I cannot comment to all the comments right now --- will catch up as soon as I can.

xo
DG