Thursday, October 28, 2010


I do what “they, the experts” say not to when suffering from insomnia, and glance at the clock. 3:23 am. I wonder if absorbing excessive Vitamin D can cause sleeplessness. I was at the clothing optional beach today for eight continuous hours. And it should come as no shock that I have never really been much of an outdoor girl. Sure I played soccer in high school for a few years and I tried to play tennis and golf. But I really don’t like to be hot so I opt for air conditioned spaces – libraries, malls and museums.

When I was in graduate school my insomnia had a devilish personality of its own. Between working full-time, taking classes four nights a week, working part-time at Ann Taylor and advising my sorority’s chapter at the University of Minnesota, you’d think I’d fall over dead from exhaustion. No, no, instead I would crawl into bed and lay there, wide awake until two or three in the morning. And I never defaulted to sleep aids. I never wanted to be dependent on drugs. I have enough problems with wine and shoes.

Which means, now, five years later I have a closet filled with footwear and no Unisom in the apartment. And there is no way I am walking to a 24 hour drug store in this neighborhood at this hour of the morning. But I am so desperately tired that I pop some Benadryl.

Two hours I wake up feeling fuzzy and dizzy. It’s the cusp of dawn and I wonder if I should attempt my day. This debate continues until 8:00 am when I finally sit up and feel woozy, different than earlier, and a little sick to my stomach. I flop back into bed and begin to collect little bits and bubs of my energy. The one thing I absolutely must do before noon is review my proposal and email it.

With a force that could move an MTA bus I drag myself out of bed, fire up the computer and painstakingly read the document. The words are blurry and my head hurts, but I manage to make final edits and hit send. As I wade through email I realize Town and Country has not texted or emailed since Saturday. But we spoke about meeting up tonight. And because I’m delusional I text him for details.

The combination of working and Benadryl has amplified my exhaustion. I am so tired, that I am too tired to fall asleep and feel like I may come full circle back to awake. Hour by hour, I lay in bed and watch the day slip away. 1:00 pm, 2:00 pm, 3:00 pm, 4:00 pm, 5:00 pm, 6:00 pm. At 7:00 pm, I feel dejected, and wonder how this happened. I was going on just fine with my life. Then Town and Country texted me. I got my hopes up. And once again, I was dissed --- Town and Country style.

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