“Is he a nice human being?” Bangalore Cousin asks about Dr. Froggy in a somewhat impatient tone. We have been playing phone tag for almost a week so I can debrief her on the weekend. “Well yea, he's NICE. I just don’t know if nice is enough for me?” I refrain from telling her I polled my urban family and half of them think I should pursue Dr. Froggy and half of them don’t.
Which leads to further unrest - mostly because I don't know why I'm being so seventh grade about this. Asking my friends who I should date/marry? What the hell is wrong with me.“This needs to stop if you want to get married. You aren’t getting hundreds of offers. He’s a nice guy, you need to make more of an effort and settle down,” Bangalore Cousin says.
Now I'm pissed. It is one thing to know you're f-ed in the head, it's another to be told you are. Well actually I am not f-ed in the head, my head is rational, my heart is not and therefore derailing my mind. I fall silent because I cannot argue with her. She’s right, my dance card is empty. But this is my fault. I let the possible possibility of something somehow working out with Town and Country cloud my better judgment. Now I'm whipped into a state of conflict. My heart pines for someone who is as unpredictable as the weather, while my mind says move forward with Dr. Froggy, it will work itself out. God knows the world is filled with women who have married for a lifestyle and found love.
But what happens if I’m moving along, solidifying my relationship with Dr. Froggy and Town and Country comes back, not just for a tryst, but for the real thing. Then what? What if my parents have met Dr. Froggy’s? And what if I like his parents even more than I already do? And then what? I will suddenly listen to my traitorous heart? Break up Dr. Froggy? What if we're engaged? Or four days away from getting married with 500 guests en route to Minnesota in January?
This cannot go on any longer – I’m going to make myself mental and end up in Bellevue. I need to pull the trigger and make a decision once and for all. To Dr. Froggy or Not.
6 comments:
Is it really so important to get married? Having been in many bad relationships and been single, I have to admit that I really preferred being single to being in a relationship that was unsatisfying or hurtful. I am sure/hope you know the unsatisfying ones (emotionally and physically) are almost as bad as the hurtful ones it. You often write about your college ex and how you could have ended up with him and dated him for so long etc etc. HE CHEATED ON YOU!!!!
I am glad this is about past, because clearly I am getting too involved. Ha! Ha!
Indian (from India)
"But what happens if I’m moving along,.. and Town and Country comes back,... What if we're engaged? Or four days away from getting married"
Well, you said you liked unpredictability like the weather. When a storm comes, it doesn't give you warning. So if the unpredictable thing happens, rejoice.
I can imagine Town and Country, driving his town and country car, taking you to different towns and countries..
If not, get yourself a limo, sit in the back sipping your white wine and race with Froggy's Porsche...
I think you should embrace ambiguity and uncertainty and diaporesis - it is going to be a part of you forever.
Dear Anonymous,
Well - that is a great question, is getting married that important - is it the end all, be all. And I will answer it, in the context of my life, just not now :) because it has taken time to sort through the idea of who I would be and who I am. And whose idea of me that was and in whose idea of me did I become. Does than make sense?
Because yes, it is def better to be single than unhappily ever aftered. And I don't mind being single and a lot of my issues with being single actually had to do with self preservation and the ability support myself. More to come on that.
And LOL - it is about the past and sometimes real stories are more engaging than TV!
More soon my dear India(from India).
xo,
Desi Girl
Dear Sunny -
First, I hope last week's posts were able to de-Mormonize and un-bleach the previous week's posts.
I do appreciate your comments and let me know if I was able to shed details without outing Dr. Froggy bc I didn't want to be cruel to him.
And I think my problem is I am control freak, which is why ambiguity is a problem for me. And it is funny now that I have some hindsight on this and me, and where I am today. My love life got a lot better when I let go of some things (to be revealed down the road :) and two at work, the things that drive me crazy are when my computer doesn't load, or when outlook shuts me out, or when I cannot submit expenses.
Insane people - no problem, annoying computer program, problem.
More soo.
xo,
Ms. 101
Amen sister.
Dear MCL -
Amen indeed!
xo,
Desi Girl
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