Tuesday, April 5, 2011

334. ABSOLUTELY AND COMPLETELY SINGLE AGAIN


Well this is interesting. Instead of responding to the email I sent a little over 24 hours ago, Dr. Froggy has been surfing the matrimonial website. Something he is completely entitled to do. However, I think, from a Miss Manners point of view, he should have said SOMETHING, ANYTHING to me. I even gave him the out. I mean really, if he wants to move, it is fine with me. But I would like to have an adult conversation with him at least once. One that did not involve his car, money or house.

Sidebar: Are you wondering how I know that Dr. Froggy has been on the matrimonial site? No I am not an online stalker. I am not techie enough to do that. I know this because the matrimonial site has some Big Desi Brother elements to it. For one thing it tells you the last time someone logged on. On Dr. Froggy’s page it is showing today’s date stamp.

This means that Dr. Froggy has been on the site, and probably online checking email in the last eight hours.  So he probably has seen my email. And you know what?  I think some of why I held onto Dr. Froggy was because he was not like Town and Country. But I do firmly feel that if Town and Country knew what I was going through with Dad, he’d have the emotional wherewithal to send a text that says, “You okay?” Town and Country may be an ass, but he’s an ass differently than Dr. Froggy.

I groan loudly, thankful to be at work alone, and go through my online profile. I find my “accept contacts” and locate Dr. Froggy’s profile. I slowly read it. I debate sending him a note, an explanation – one he really doesn’t deserve – detailing why. Instead, I hit the “decline interest” button. And just like that I am absolutely and completely single again. 

For a change, I don't feel like the sky is falling. I feel relieved. 

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

Way to go!! He deserved to be declined. Any person who can't even call or text, knowing that the person who they're interested in as a "life partner" (pardon my desi lingo), deserves to be kicked to the curb.

Men, sorry, MOST men, just don't get it. I think you did the right thing. It kinda seemed like you would just be "settling" if you ended up with Dr.saab in his p. diddy mansion (did i get the right artist??)

Funny how men send out mixed signals. If a guy took me home to meet his mummy, then I would assume that there was a great degree of seriousness from him. I guess it's true. Men really are from Mars.

As an aside, and sorry to bring up town and country....but my town and country still sends me the rare email, approximately once a year or so. His email is usually a one-liner, "hey, how are you". but that one email is enough to still send me into a tizzy,even though i'm happily married. Every single time i get that email, i talk myself out of replying for days on end. usually a week later i cave in and reply with my standard "i'm great, how are you doing. Long time no talk". But alas. I never hear from him for about another year.

I kick myself over this every year...i tell myself i'm not going to reply...but something just nags at me till i do it.

what can i say. he's the bane of my existence. lol

sorry for the ranting..just had to vent!!

take care!


Sandeep

Ahsin said...

woohoo.. way to go girl!! Now you are officially back on the market after all this wasted time.. did T&C get in touch over his birthday yet?? Froggy (hes no Dr in my eyes!) doesnt deserve you and needs someone who will succumb to his every whim no matter how they feel... good luck to him finding that woman!! I see in his future his mum bringing someone over from India :( poor girl!! What will desi cousin say??

Sara said...

I'm glad you didn't send him an explanation. We women can be too focused on not hurting anyone's feelings...even guys who are being jerks and not responding when we try to give them a heads-up that they're being jerks.

gompiepie said...

It's all good being strong and independent but men like to feel wanted and that you find them attractive, everyone has their pride. I haven't really seen that from what I read here.

I think he was annoyed that you reached out only when you needed him, well by text which doesn't scream I want you, I would feel used and jerked around too.

Anonymous said...

@ Gomgompie - let's just say you are correct that he is annoyed that be is being used, that Desi Girl only reaches out when she needs support - a normal human reaction. I also think you are the only person who thinks that her actions are unjust and based on the comment and I agree with the other readers like Sara and Kiran. He is actually a huge jerk for not being able to pick up his phone and check on her. Her dad is sick, in a hospital, he's a doctor. He is the jerk. You have no idea what it takes to be a smart, confident woman. She should not apologize for being strong. My husband would not put up with a Scarlett O'Hara drama type.

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Dear Anonymous (Sandeep) -

OMG - I thought the same thing is this what I want from a "life partner" I think it was either Another Kiran in NYC or M in Texas, but they are right there is a very unromantic check list element to dating and there are def some on the shallow end that Dr. Froggy did not meet. He was not gorgeous, his voice was not arousing - and he was clearly a couch potato.

But dating hot guys is not all that either, sometimes they are pretty to look at, but sometimes lack substance.

And the things I liked about him - the quality and caliber of his friends and family; are being challenged by how he is medical with me. And yes LOL - P. Diddy is correct!

And I agree - if you ask me to meet your mom, I am going to think this serious. Therefore, I am going to expect you to give some emotional support.

What is it with Town and Country? Yours, mine - everyone else's. Yea I do that too - I try and resist. But cave, too. UGH! You are not ranting or venting - feel free!

More soon.
xo
Desi Girl

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Dear Ahsin -

Thanks!I dont know what his deal was - but I do think he wanted a more traditional wife, and that is FINE, but I never offered to be, or pretended to be that woman. I dont know why he just doesn't say that. Bc I dont think you can ask someone to change who they - I never asked him to be something else!

xo,
Desi Girl

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Sara -

Thanks! I debated - but he doesn't seem to get that he has to show compassion every now and then.

What I find MOST fascinating - is that his parents are so NICE - I dont know, does being able to emote skip a generation?

So I decided to just be done.

xo,
Desi Girl

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Dear Gompiepie -

Dont take this the wrong way - but you sound like you're in your 20s. If that is the case, then I completely understand your romantic, man warrior frame of mind. And I can appreciate wanting to feel needed and macho. I once wanted to meet a man to sweep me off my feet. But if I am expected to be a damsel in distress, then I am expecting a Prince, and this is a two way street, that people in their 30s don't do.

Furthermore, if he wanted me to rely on him, then he needed to show me that he cared abt something more than his car or that he thought I was pretty. Bc I do have an education, my thoughts and I am well read. In some ways he was the girl focused on stuff that didn't matter. I dont know if I blogged about this - I think I did - when my aunt died, he was not empathetic then either. And this is my father.

And I did try to engage him in conversation, it is not my fault that he is the one, NOT me, HE IS the one who preferred to hide behind his phone.

You are entitled to your opinion, but I am not in the wrong here. Strong or not - if someone's father is in a hospital for three weeks and you cannot pick up your phone - and you have the audacity to be annoyed? Then you are a jerk.

xo,
Desi Girl

Sara said...

Hey, some of us are still solidly mid-20s! And your "xo" means a little less when you just give it away like that. ;)

Because I'm a total nerd, my first thought with his parents being so nice is "regression to the mean" -- by the rule of averages, the children of exceptional parents will be less exceptional than their parents. It also makes me think that he's used to being the pet darling and not having to care for others -- I mean, he slept in and came downstairs unshowered? I'm one of the Whitest White girls I know, and have only been legally part of a Desi family for 10 months, and even I know that's a huge no-no if you're trying to impress Indian guests (or if you're showing your mom that you're a good host for a potential partner -- i.e., showing your potential partner that yo' mama raised you right).

Plus, there was weird extremes with either not sharing a bed at all or going the whole nine yards...awkward. I really wanted Dr. F to work...I tried to see hope in him every step...and my A was an idiot who started dating me a month before Christmas break, then didn't return my email, call OR text over the 3-week break (luckily, when he got back to school his female coworkers kicked his ass and told him "if you like her, CALL her" -- which apparently was a genuine revelation to him -- but hey, he was solidly in HIS mid-20s at the time, apparently he couldn't be held accountable for his actions).

Anyway...basically, I was projecting onto Dr. Froggy, and can do so no longer.

gompiepie said...

Desi Girl,

I'm just reacting to whatever persona is being projected here, obviously I don't know you personally.

People aren't jerks for the heck of it, something must have ticked him off or made him not care as much, especially when looking for a wife.

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Sara!!!

The comment to be in a person's 20s was absolutely NOT a slam. I hope you did not take it that, and if so, sorry! My point was when I dated in my 20s the guys were (and they were mostly desi, all but 3 guys I have gone out have been desi) wanted to be caretakers, which is sweet, except they bordered on suffocating, wanting to spend ALL of their free time with me - whereas I wanted to work-out, see my friends and be in a relationship. When I got into my 30s the men were better, more understanding, whatever you want to call, with balance, and less suffocating.

And I agree with you - I had some hopes on Dr. Froggy too. I thought since he was different than Town and Country - that you know - this could work. In the beginning he was able to call and text more. When I visited him, I thought the same thing you have a guest and come down in your pajamas, yawning, unshaven, let your mother make breakfast (fine she probably wants to, but, don't you help, don't you at least be present and converse?).

I also thought he was out of line to tell me to swallow my "liberal" thoughts. It was small little things that left me wondering if he liked me but then expected me to change into the "his vision of me". Anyway, that chapter is closed and I move on. :)

xoxo :) - see I am not just giving it away - you are getting double!
Desi Girl

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Gompiepie -

Well - you are entitled to your opinion. He did plenty of things that I let go and gave him second chances. He was imperfect many times and I let a lot things go and have him the benefit of the doubt.

But I love my parents and if he can't call to check on them/me, after telling me how close he is to his parents? Well then I guess you have to move on, and so I did.

Desi Girl

Sara said...

Desi Girl, All in good fun. I do recognize the impediments of being young. And it just cracked me up to have a strong, respectfully disagreeing post followed by "xo." :)
xo
Sara

Anonymous said...

@ Gompiepie - let's just say he is annoyed that he feels used. Shouldn't he use his words and tell her? I agree GET RID of this guy. Anyone who acts like this when you are dealing with a sick parent, esp in health care? Move on! And how about a non-Indian?

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Sara -

LOL! I chuckled at your "giving it away" comment all day.

It was intense I guess. But it is fair to agree to disagree!

xo :)
Desi Girl

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Dear Anonymous -

Thanks for your comment as well as your inquiry abt non-Indians - are in cohoots with Ainsley? LOL!

xo,
Desi Girl