Sunday, October 9, 2011


Unfortunately Apartment Number One on the UES – is not ready for Desi Girl. First of all, the entire floor slants. It slants so badly that (a) the naked eye cannot miss the slant and (2) how the hell did the people who lived here before NOT wake up to find their stuff on the other side of the room every morning? My desk chair, on wheels, has NO prayer of surviving this space. In addition the bedroom, is a bedroom for someone who has a twin bed, I don’t think you can get a full sized bed in here. And I have a queen – I have no idea why I bought a queen, I should have bought a full sized bed. I have been sleeping in it alone (I mean when I sleep in it rather than the couch) for years.

“Yea, this is not going to work for me,” I say. “Agreed. I had no idea the floor was on a permanent incline,” Tony says and shuts the door behind us.

The next apartment is adorable. You enter into AN AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME kitchen. It is a blue-grey space, with slate floors, marble (yes marble counter tops) a brand new Viking stove, stainless steel appliances, including dishwasher, the bedroom is to the left, it is small, like so small I am not sure my bed would fit in there, and the closet is small. Who are these people living with such little closet space?!

We walk back into the kitchen and I stop to open the bathroom door. “Good Lord.  How does anyone taller than 5’-3” go to the bathroom in here?” I demand. Tony laughs, I can only presume that he thinks I am being dramatic, that is until I step aside, and he peeks his head inside. The toilet is to the right and there is about six inches between the end of the toilet and the wall. “Okay – no one taller than you can use that commode,” Tony says. “Yea, well I am not that tall – so you should only show this apartment to short girls or little people,” I say and walk into the living room. “Oh. My. God,” I squeal. “I love, love, love this exposed brick. Against these shiny wood floors, with all this sunlight? Oh my – if not for that mock bedroom – this apartment would be perfect,” I sigh and look around. 

If this was a studio it would be perfect. Sometimes walls really are literally limiting and my life will not be taking place in this apartment. Which is fine – next.

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