Friday, January 22, 2010

16. VIVA LA VEGAS

While my profile undergoes the 24 hour mandatory review, I worry. Are there more ODDBs (old dirty desi bastards) like Elvis lurking in cyber space?

When I first spoke to Elvis a few years ago he gave me seven ways to contact him: mobile, landline, office, 1-800, email work, email home, and im. I was the opposite of techie so this overwhelmed me. As we conversed I learned he played racquetball and built his company from the ground up, which I admired. I came from a long line of determined and steely self-made men. I knew they could be intense --- but success required risk. And I liked that Elvis and I were from the same caste. While I was an equal opportunity desi dater, there was a part of me that appreciated sharing being Punjabi.

I requested a photo several times. And each time Elvis had an excuse “my laptop is at work”, “I am not in the office tomorrow”, “I don’t have photos on this computer”. Because our conversations were amazing I let it go. Yet, I was DYING to put a face to the voice.

Eight days later, photos arrived. EXCITEMENT. Download. Click. Open. DISAPPOINTMENT.

To call him unattractive was an UNDERSTATEMENT. His face was squashy, greasy, with a fuggly nose. He didn’t look fit enough to play racquetball. And my attraction evaporated. He sensed it and stopped calling.

The weird thing was I missed him after his calls stopped. I regretted being judgmental. And just when I stopped thinking about him he sent me an e-Valentine. Delirious, I emailed him and we returned to our routine. This time I learned he liked martinis, had 100+ shirts and believed sandals were for women.

Then he suggested we meet in a neutral place. I was in Minneapolis and he in DC so I suggested Memphis, Chicago. Elvis suggested Vegas. Fiddle faddle. I wasn’t a fan of all-you-can-eat-buffets or gambling. But I didn’t want to appear negative and said I’d be up for seeing the Hoover Dam, but what else would we do in the middle of February. Elvis responded with: see the sights (it’s the desert), play the slots (boring) and have sex (okay, now I’m scared)!

We stopped speaking after that. Any man who gets on a matrimonial site and suggests sex in Vegas needs to sign up for remedial dating classes ASAP!!!

7 comments:

starlight said...

Ahm, meeting in Vegas should have been clue #1 that the man would want sex!!!!!! Duh!!! -:)

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Hey I wanted to see the Hoover Dam, clearly he and I were wired TOTALLY differently! :)

Raji said...

Hoover Dam?/#@ Does he even know it existed?..... I don't think so. With his ugly face he can't get a lap dance anywhere else than Vegas.

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

I don't know what was going on with him.

Samosas for One said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Samosas for One said...

Ew
Ew
Ew

The second a man balks and gives me some excuse about why he hasn't sent or doesn't have a photo up it is time to go.

Speaking of online creepiness did you hear about this? I read about it last night. http://www.sepiamutiny.com/sepia/archives/006127.html

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Dear Samosas for One ... yes, I shd have read "no snap" = fishy. But sometimes my empathy is ridiculous. And we have great convos ... so I thot, how fugly could be he? Famous last words .... and OMG! I clicked on that link and totally FREAKED. NOOOO I didn't date him, but what an AWFUL man! and totally scary!