I sit at the bar for a while, two glasses of cheap white wine a while to be exact. During this time I begin my usual Town and Country ponderings. Why has he contacted me? Well he is a man, and this is Manhattan – so booty call comes to mind. Then another part wonders, maybe he wanted to make sure I returned from India. And if he really does have a “rotation” like Siobhan insists, then this is my turn in the queue.
Then the part of me that is a Hindu fatalist kicks in. This part of me believes that things are not left to chance, but destiny. This part says fighting and controlling something that cannot be controlled like life and this pesky of heart of mine is futile. This part of me says, there is a deeper, bigger, universal reason Town and Country keeps coming back, kismet. He’s your Mr. Big and you are brown girl Carrie. This part of me insists he’s interested in me. This part of me says, this is New York --- if he didn’t want the girl and just the sex, he can get that anywhere in New York. Instead he seeks me. This part of me says Town and Country is THE ONE.
I check my watch, collect my things and head to the gate. As I walk, I think, if Town and Country was my destiny --- then what and why is it taking him so long to join the matrimonial program already? And why does he engage in this mentally frustrating, emotionally destructive cloak and dagger thing with me. I want you, I change my mind I don’t want, wait wait now I want you, never mind I ignore you. And, since we’re on the topic of Town and Country, why does he get to call the shots? Because he’s the man? Is this why none of his relationships work out? He’s difficult and offers nothing.
And every date we ever had was convenient for him. Near his house or work. It is like he never leaves his side of the island! Whereas I am traveling everywhere. But is he really what I want? Sometimes I think the physical chemistry has temporarily blinded me to reason. Because at the end of the day, I still am pretty hard core. I am in it to win it, so in what alternate dimension of reality would I be okay with this little scrap of crap relationship he is offering?
I board the plane and stow my stuff. I sit in my seat and flip open the phone.
TEXT TO TOWN AND COUNTRY: Yes, I am back. Why?