Thursday, March 24, 2011

325. I HAVE NEVER REALLY NEEDED A BOYFRIEND


Turns out Guy-yan Bar-ray Syndrome, really Guillan-Barré Syndrome, can be one little mean mo-fo depending on your symptoms. On Day Two, we learn Dad must have contracted an infection that caused his immune system to attack his nervous system and basically render him immobile. 

From Desi Brother’s research (which is why he came back to the hospital in a panic last night) Guillan-Barré Syndrome can be fatal if the muscles around your heart and lungs slowly lose their ability to function. Unsurprisingly it is most dangerous for the young and the elderly because their immune systems are weaker. This is why the doctors asked us NOT to conduct our own research. Because Dad’s case is severe the doctors are keeping him in ICU for three days and beginning a five-day course of immunotherapy which involves an intravenous immune globulin. 

So now we’re freaked out, going to and from the hospital several times a day. Because Dad doesn’t like the food, and Mom doesn’t drive more than 3 miles, every night I am taking her to the hospital with Dad’s dinner. When my niece comes to the hospital she makes it very clear that she does not want to be in the hospital either, and especially not in the room, unless she can play with the remote control to the bed. I wonder if she can sense something is not right with her grandfather. 

I know this is not happening to me, but the first 48 hours are pretty rough because I don’t know what is going on. From continued online research I have learned that recovery can take anywhere from 6 to 18 months. But Dad cannot open a can of soda or sit up on his own, so his system has really deteriorated. I find myself unable to spend more than 10 or 20 minutes in the hospital room so I have begun pacing the hospital corridors and going to the lounge 3 times an hour for water. On one of my water breaks the nurse sees me and says, “He’ll be fine.” I drink the entire eight-ounce glass of water in one sip; remain quite for a minute and say, “Really? Because, I don’t know…” She nods and something in her eyes is the kindest, most empathetic gesture I have received in a long time. “He will. I see this all the time,” she explains.

When visiting hours are over, I leave Mom at the hospital and go home. Dad is having a hard time with this too, so, Mom has started sleeping at the hospital at nights. I get home and begin to feel very alone. I have a lot of friends. A lot. But as I scroll through my mobile phone contact list I don’t feel like I have that ONE PERSON to reach out to. I am at an age where having a best friend is juvenile, especially since so many of my friends are married. And there is a part of me that wants to be left alone.

I really don’t have the energy to get on the phone and talk about what is going on with Dad, mostly because I have no idea. And my normal support network of Desi Brother and Mom are gone too, because they are living this unsure footing too. I have never really NEEDED a boyfriend or a husband. I have never been that girl whose identity is determined by the number of men who are in love with her at one given moment. I have always WANTED a true and just companion, the real deal. But right now, I NEED and WANT a man, my man, to stroke my hair and comfort me. Assure me that everything will be okay.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sorry you went through this DG. Being on the other side, even if we are sympathetic or empathetic and want to help, when it's your own friends going through this, one feels helpless. You have people to count on, even if you thought you couldn't talk to them. In situations like this, I think you'd be surprised the roles your friends can play. Hope all is well.

gompiepie said...

I'm appalled that you realized you only needed a man when your dad was in poor health. You sound selfish and perhaps a little sexist. Good luck finding someone to marry you.

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Dear Anonymous -

Yes I hear what you are saying. And I am sure I have more to count on than I realize(d). In the first few days it was so overwhelming, and yes I did eventually open up.

And yes, all is better.

xo,
Desi Girl

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Dear Gompiepie -

Sorry to hear you were appalled.

Also sorry to share thatI am neither sexist or selfish. In fact I am pretty self-less. My point was, two days after learning my father was ill, really ill, and we had no idea what the outcome would be / could be, I wished that I had my companion, someone to comfort me - and I am not sure how that is selfish. But if you feel it is, then you are entitled to your opinion.

My mother had her kids to rely on for emotional support. My brother had his wife. And I had no one and I really wish I had had someone during that time. I don't what is so wrong with that.

And normally I am pretty resilient, you have to be hards as nails to survive in NY. But in those first few days I wished I had someone who would be MY emotional support. Someone like a boyfriend, you know, to love and nurture through good times but bad ones too.

Sorry that you read it as a negative thing. It wasn't meant to be.

xo,
Desi Girl

Anonymous said...

In defense of DG - I didn't think her wanting a boyfriend was negative. I took it that she wished emotional support in a time of need. And actually I can respect someone for being strong and not creating a relationship in a time when others who latch onto to someone because of emotional hardship.

Anonymous said...

it's natural that a person wants to be comforted, no matter how strong, resilient, or if you are a man or woman. to feel like they have someone on their side, just to listen. as a single girl turned duo i understand the desire for a partner (man or woman) that is your confidant. someone who knows to ask instead of having to call. DG doesn't NEED a partner, she wants the comfort. the void is always more prominent when you feel weak. she's reflecting on the fact that she doesn't have this part of her life. DG, obviously you have different types of readers, some with emotional capacity and others lacking it... no need to apologize...

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Dear Anonymous (2) -

Thanks for you note! I appreciate knowing that you understood my point of wanting versus needing a boyfriend. And I totally agree with you - it is so easy to create false relationships to temp fix something else.

xo,
Desi Girl

101 Bad Desi Dates said...

Dear Anonymous (3) -

Thanks for your support! So glad that you read my need versus want point the way I intended.

Yes there are all types of readers, who are entitled to their opinion. I stand by what I post, I have been told I have a lot of guts to put it out there in cyber land, so that is reassuring, as are readers like you.

And sometimes people read things different, and I am not sorry for what I wrote, or felt. I stand by it. I was apologizing that the reader was offended. But I am NOT sorry! What is there to be sorry about? Wanting a boyfriend? That is normal, as is feeling helpless in a time of need! So good to have you "anonymous reader" !!! Hope you keep reading, and commenting!

xo,
Desi Girl